Wednesday, December 19, 2007

a bit bussy

I know I know...
I am MIA but with very good reason.
I have been helping out in the admin office as most of the staff have left for the holidays I have been having a whole helluve lot of fun because I am good at admin.
I have realised that the admin staff work a helluve lot harder than anybody els in this place...
so go give your admin staf a hug they work harder than youand get paid less

Thursday, December 13, 2007

100 things you didn't need to know about me

The fact that all my clients have gone on leave has left me board and with nobody to pester.
So instead of writing the book Will and I are working on I have decided to follow the crowd for the third time in my life and compile my very own 100 things about me list.

1) I was born at around twelve in the afternoon on the 14th of October 1985 at st Maries maternity hospital in Springs. Only a few hours after my cuz who was born in the same hospital causing a serious confusion concerning what Mrs. Parker was en labor when.
2) This is only the second point on this list and I am already starting to doubt how interesting I really am
3) I went to Northmead primary school where I was a popular as bread mold. I had three best friends, and I am still in contact with two of them but it is more than apparent that we have grown apart
4) I spent my High school years at Noorderlig where the fact that I don’t look like bread mold sourced more than my fair share of male attention and I was termed popular until I beat a grade 11 up in my grade 8 year and I developed a reputation. After that I did not lose the male vote but woman walked circles around me and still do
5) I like cars. No you don’t understand I love cars like people love their families. My car has a name and I cried the day I saw a Shelby GT500 in the metal. I shit you not. I also used to write for a car web sight and I have intended posting my articles up for ages but haven’t gotten around to it.
6) I sing all the damn time. Gremlin is as far as I know the only person who likes it. Christmas carols are my songs of choice and I have no qualms about singing them all year round. Grem said it made the house sound happy.
7) I had my first poem published at the age of 13
8) I lost my virginity at 14 to a virgin who was too old for me.
9) I can’t orgasm during sex. I don’t know why but I don’t really care either. The bright side is that I can fake it like no other woman. I have read that it is not an uncommon problem though
10) I think I am bi-sexual. I made out with two of my girlfriends (and went to third base with one of them) and actually enjoyed it. I like lesbian porn and am attracted to woman… but only uber uber hot woman.
11) I cant believe I actually shared that
12) I am getting married to DeWet Gerber (Stiffla) in December 2008. We went to the same high school but can’t remember one another. I also thought he was an idiot when I met him.
13) The first guy I ever kissed had bad breath. But I was so desperate to get kissed that I didn’t care.
14) I have had two vibrators in my life. I didn’t buy either. The first was a skinny little pink thing. The guy who bought it was afraid that I may prefer the vibrator to him. The other is a very well publicized see-through, thick, glittery, wrinkly thing that Grem gave me for my 21st birthday it really is very funny and I have pictures of all my guy friends playing with it.
15) Will isn’t my real brother, He is Stiffla’s youngest brother but if I did have a brother I would like him to be like Will only less obnoxious.
16) I have a sister, a younger sister who is my complete opposite, she’s tall I’m short, she runs from libraries screaming with fear, I spend whole days there, she likes pink I hate it, she likes her boyfriend I hate him, she likes sport I find excuses.
17) My Dad was my hero and still is even after his passing when I was 16. he was a teacher and without a doubt the most intelligent and fun person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing
18) It was only after he died that my mother and I were forced to like one another. My mom and dad never had a fight in their whole marriage. Sure they got annoyed but were always able to talk about it. This was mainly due to the fact that my dad didn’t have a temper and couldn’t get angry no matter how hard you tried. An attribute that I unfortunately didn’t get.
19) I don’t like my step dad, and not because his my step dad but because as a person he pisses me off. I don’t have step kid syndrome and this has nothing to do with my dad.
20) I haven’t shaved my legs in a week
21) I am the only person of my generation, it seems, who doesn’t like transformers, kong pow and superman oh and spider man 3
22) I like to talk dirty and do it quite well if I do say so myself its sexy and I like it.
23) You can tell me I am ugly, you can tell me I’m fat (and Will quite frequently does) but insult my intelligence and you have one helluva a fight on your hands
24) I have the most annoying voice and laugh. I can break glass I swear .
25) Speaking of swearing….I do that a lot… really a lot. I swear like a sailor but cannot say that hideous Afrikaans word that starts with a P
26) I love to read
27) I love Lost so much, it’s unhealthy. I have all the available seasons on DVD and it’s an addiction that has given me serious crush on Sawyer
28) I also love ALO-ALO “liston vergy carfully I will say dis only once”
29) Apparently I flirt with all men. APPARENTLY. I always thought that I was just friendly
30) I am wider than I should be and yet I am still a bomb shell and I am not blushing while admitting this even though god knows that I would love to lose those extra cm
31) I am an atheist. Not because I want to be but because my avid interest in history has led me to it. And I cant believe in stuff just cos it feels good
32) I know all the words to my fair lady (songs included) and I can also recite without any help the whole fast and the furious and quite frequently do
33) I am a killer dancer and again I am not shy to admit it even with no formal training I rule and I have no inhibitions so I dance on stages at clubs
34) This is point 34
35) If I were a real live lesbian (and this I got from pink stuffing) I would date Jessica Alba screw Lindsay Lohan and crush on Keira knightly and Nataly Portman
36) If I won the lotto tomorrow I would buy a Bugatti Veyron
37) I don’t blog to get stuff of my chest, I blog to get comments and it pisses me off when I don’t get them. I am one of those people who think that my opinions need to be heard and I need confirmation that they were heard. Oh and I love you guys
38) I am terribly materialistic. I will not date or even consider a guy with a lower income or worse car than I have. I equate money with success and success with ambition. I need a man to have ambition I never want to hear “I cant” or “its not my fault” because I will attack your lazy ass personality in ways you haven’t dreamed of.
39) If you ask me how you look or what I think, you should be ready for an honest opinion if you want to be complimented and nurtured I suggest you fuck off.
40) When I was a teen I had bulimia for a very long time. Now I wish I had the body that was not good enough then, strange how things work
41) This is the second time I have been engaged, I got engaged to one of the most well meaning genuine people I know and three weeks after that we got into a car accident and he died. I was fucked up about it for way to long.
42) I broke my collar bone in said accident witch was small price to pay since I was the only person who walked out of there alive
43) I have moved passed my grief and while I love Johan and always will I know that he was holding me back and that if I had married him I would have been a house wife who never reaches her full potential.
44) I tried to commit suicide after the accident but my mom was smart enough to substitute the sleeping pills the hospital gave me with some herbal calming tablet. I slept well and was in happy mode for three days but my mom really did save my life.
45) I am different now. Build a bridge and get over it. That’s my motto. I wont be gotten down by anything. I work hard for everything I have and I expect no less than perfection from myself and no that doesn’t make anything worse it makes me successful
46) I have wanted to be s chef , a teacher, a lawyer and a historian in my life and if it wasn’t for my mild dislike of snotty kids I still think I would be great at all of them
47) I am not a chef, a teacher, a lawyer or a historian, I facilitate financing. How’s that for life’s curve balls
48) I have never done any sport because I wanted to. I didn’t play netball at school because I cant stand large amounts of woman all together and I only did track because it came with an off period.
49) The biggest mistakes I have ever made have names. Raymond, Donovan and Vee (granted if it wasn’t for Vee I would never have met Stiffla so he is only half mistake half dumb luck)
50) I am only half way and this thing is already 3 pages long
51) If I could get on a plane and go anywhere in the world right now it would be Egypt I am completely completely fascinated by the place and its history
52) I get broody around Christmas.
53) My favorite book is River God by Wilbur Smith and I have read it probably three times
54) I don’t like chocolate and sweet stuff but I can floor a box of salty crax like its nobodies business
55) I am very bad at girly things. This I suppose is due to the fact that my mom and I didn’t get along when I was a kid so I had nobody to teach me I also had no girlfriends to speak of. I cant do makeup well or my nails and hair and I feel so bad when I have to spend money on stuff like that. It’s a waste as far as I am concerned
56) Contrary to what I have just said I do so love shoes, stilettos grrrrrrr and cloths particularly business suits with a good cut.
57) I only started drinking at 20 years of age and it was tragic
58) I cry in movies a lot. I ball my eyes out and Will and Stiffla sit and laugh at me
59) I am the worst shopper in the world. I even annoy myself. A great follower of the 3 P rule (Pick it up, Put it down and Piss off) it can take me three days to make a single purchase. I shit you not
60) I am stingy as hell and that doesn’t help
61) I have really ugly toes
62) I cant stand going to the hair dresser because I don’t like talking to the hairdresser and I hate it even more if the woman tries to make small talk because it always end in this uncomfortable silence.
63) I don’t make friends with people at work. I find that it always tend to end badly or at best you are always associated with your friends bad work ethic
64) Not having friends at work allows me to play fair at work so I am not bias towards anybody
65) I have recently learnt that I am not bad shot. When Stiff first brought the pellet guns home I freaked at the price the damn things cost now I love to play with them more than he does
66) I only eat once a day and have been told its bad for me (I am so running out of stuff )
67) A Russian woman once told me I look like Bridgett Bardot other than that I have never been compared to any famous person.
68) I had honey blond hair down to my bum when I was a kid
69) I am semi goth semi “mean girls” inclined in my fashion sense
70) Vis-à-vis I have bad fashion sense
71) Pizza and cheese curls are my favorite foods
72) My favorite band is system of the down at the moment
73) I am completely emotionally screwed the only emotion that I can talk about is anger
74) I pick my nose when I am board
75) When I get angry I cry. And I hate it. How are you supposed to have a decent fight when your all teary eyed
76) Stiff and I have never had a fight and it will break my heart when we finally do
77) I am hysterically afraid of needles. So much so that my doctor used to make sure there were nurses to hold me down if he dared attempt it
78) I don’t like doctors either, not because I am afraid of them but because going to the doctor means I am admitting that I cant sort it out on my own and I usually can
79) I never fold cloths in my closet usually I take three steps back and fling them in. I cant find a damn thing when my cloths are folded
80) I hate being alone, even for small amounts of time. I depress myself when I am left alone with my thoughts and usually end up crying. If the boys are not there on Saturdays I go visit my mom or get in bed with Wills girlfriend and talk crap all morning.
81) I hate sleeping in too late it ruins my day and I hate the boys sleeping in late too its slothly and more importantly it leaves me alone
82) I don’t have a favorite color, I like black and purple and blue and red most but all colors are nice in the right setting
83) I live in a two bedroom wooden cottage on my moms plot. We have three houses on the property. Since it is such a big piece of land it makes it safer if you have more people on the plot
84) The friends I have now went to school with me and Stiff and we still see them every single Saturday night. We don’t even have to invite them they just pitch up
85) I get very nervous when I get lost and I get lost often.
86) I am a cat person but I still like dogs. I am not really a big animal person like some are who can cuddle and play with their animals. I like my cats, they need a lap to sit on or a leg to rub up against and their happy
87) I don’t like diamonds, my engagement ring has a massive sapphire because I find diamonds boring
88) I like match making and I am responsible for hooking Will up with Laura but so far that is my only success story
89) I am addicted to the internet and of coarse to my blog my e-mails can wait, I read my blog comments first
90) I am not allergic to anything and have spent minimal time in hospital in my life. I don’t eat very well but I am still not a sickly person
91) I studied towards a degree in psychology for a year and then left it then I studied towards a teaching degree for a year before that ambition met the same end I am not good at studying but I love learning and absorb any info I find interesting like a sponge
92) When I have found something out or learnt something new I can’t wait to get home and tell the boys. I like sharing stuff and info does not satisfy me until I have told someone
93) We have recently started gyming, Will and I, and I amazed myself by actually enjoying it
94) Music is my biggest memory trigger. All the songs on the CCR platinum album reminds me of cooking with dad in the summer. Rooi rok bokkie will always remind me of Johan and the hypnotize mesmerize from system reminds me of when Stiff and I just hooked up
95) I have long talon nails (my own Ill have you know) that never look neat because I chew the nail polish off
96) I pronounce my name Lee-Ann when I introduce myself because people cant pronounce Leanne and I don’t have the patience to try and correct them for half an hour
97) I like to do business in English but I like to swear in Afrikaans.
98) I am almost finished
99) My best friend is Wills girlfriend and she is also my complete opposite, Pink and Ditsy where I am disturbed
100) It took me three days to do this list and it has made me suicidal… and if you have successfully read this you should be suicidal too.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Chimeras (Humanized Animals)

Consider for a moment the hundreds of thousands of people in dire need of an organ transplant, or the multitudes of people who can’t recognize their families due to neural diseases.
And spare a thought for those whose bodies are being annihilated by cancer and who will surely spend their last moments on this planet in excruciating pain.
Now consider if it were your son who needed a liver transplant. Your Girlfriend dying of cancer or your mother whose mind leaves her a confused helpless mess.
What length would you go to, to save these people?
Would you accept a liver or kidney for transplant even if it had been grown inside a sheep?
Would you reject a cure for cancer because it was unethically developed….?
Would you?
I am guessing not!

Somewhere in Nevada a sheep was born whose heart and liver were largely human and in Minnisota there is a pig with human blood running in his veins and in California a lab mouse peers through his cage bars with a brain that is as much as 1% human.

These are not the creations of some sick horror movie mad scientist but rather a very complex Biological experiment that is helping scientist observe for the first time, how human cells react, not only with one another, but also with those of other animals.
They have been called Chimeras after a Greek mythological creature one that has parts of different creatures in one body.
By fusing Human cells with those of animals at different times in fetal development scientist have been able to create a pig with both human and pig blood cells and in a miraculous turn of events were able to observe how these cells merged to create a hybrid cells.
Realizing that pig viruses may be transmitted to humans, a sheep embryo was developed with a liver and heart that is as much as 80% human.
In theory these organs can be transplanted into the human body where our own immune system will reject the alien 20% and take root.

Testing of HIV drugs have also been simplified by a mouse that carries a complete human immune system and can be infected by the virus. Now drugs that may turn out to be toxic to humans can be tested on mice.

However while the US seems to have abandoned their plight with the UN to ban cloning completely, their attention has turned to chimeras and are campaigning for a ban on the creation of Chimeras.
However the wording of such a policy will have to be very very carefully thought out as the creation of chimeras is not as uncommon as one would think, as most twins carry a few cells from their sibling and of course mothers carry cells from their infant, not to mention the recipients of organ transplants or those whose defective heart valves have been replaced with those from pigs or cow’s.

Naturally the question of “How human is to human?” has been raised
And at what point have we raised an animals moral standing too much?
At what point should chimeras be allowed the same rights as a human being?

Scientist also say that there is a risk that the human cells in chimeras could spread to the testis and ovary’s. Producing human sperm and Human eggs..
If two such chimeras were to mate it would result in a human fetus whose parents are effectively a pair of mice or sheep or pigs.

The practice has been called unethical and scientists have been accused of ignoring the value of a human life.
Some quote the bible (like you didn’t see that coming).
However I question how questing to relieve mankind’s suffering can be called unethical.
I ask how the worlds leaders can declare war on aids and a fight against cancer but block science from exploring all avenues.
It is clear that the resources we have at our disposal are not heelding the needed results…
And wouldn’t it be grand if one person didn’t have to die to replace another’s heart.

I am not supporting a ban on this practice but rather a very strict oversight to ensure that the procedure is not in the interest of pure curiosity but rather in the interest of scientifically researching the benefits that such creations may hold for man kind.

Again I ask your opinion knowing that we may not all agree.

blogger bitching session

Admittedly my dedication in bloging appears to be wavering , however my visits to the blog world have been no less regular but a whole lot more annoying.
Have you noticed that despite changing my header pic it is still a fraction of the size that it originally was.
I have seen this on Will and Sweet ass’s blog
Will has this strip of grey matter that resembles nothing human while sweet ass’s eye has been turned into the fold of skin under your butt cheek.
And I can’t add a new page element to my side bar and I am starting to lose my temper a commodity that I am running low on

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Gareth And The Knotted Panty Brigade

Apparently the whole South-Africa knew about since the words were spoken on Friday, I however only found out about it today, this might be because the comment went like water of a ducks back during my morning commute.
I remember thinking “that’s right your so right” but being me I had too much faith in the world and almost expected the same reaction from the rest of the world

“Blasphemy should not still be a crime in the 21st century”
This was Gareth Cliff, a radio DJ for 5Fm’s response to the “teacher-teddy” bear screw up in Sudan.
At the risk of sounding Like a God hater (AGAIN) I completely agreed with the man.
My reasons for agreeing may be widely removed from his reasons for making the statement but then again when the prudes got on their high horses started bitching about Gareths blasphemies I doubt whether they gave a damn about the context either.

It is at this point that I would like to Launch into one of my famous all mighty rants.

That is the problem with the world today…
These People were getting their panties in a knot about Principals while ignoring the fact that a woman may have been shot for something that, in my opinion, shouldn’t even register as a crime.
Unfortunately I doubt weather the knotted panty brigade bothered to petition for Gillian Gibon’s release!
Oh but hang on a minute a Lady by the name Of Gerda Marie Povey, appointing her self judge, jury and executioner took it upon herself to enlighten the world of Gareth’s crimes. She complained to Gareth in writing via e-mail knowing that the man would not stand down. Gareth replied to this e-mail stating his case.
I unfortunately I don’t have a copy or it would be up here for the world to see in Gareth’s defense.
Point is that Povey then started forwarding the e-mail to world and his brother, hoping that the other narrow minded indoctrinated idiots would rally behind her in her attempt to get Gareth sacked.
Povey failed miserably in her attempt as she was not even present during the tribunal that found Gareth innocent.
Apparently when one wants to play with the big dogs one should not piss like a puppy.

At the same time I do want to say that apart from Povey and her fellow mothergrundies Gareth did get an overwhelming amount of support showing that there is an intelligent open minded community out there who are not afraid to make their voices heard.

By the way I have read that Gareth will be launching a web site soon where he will be able to write opinion pieces without the fear of persecution.
As soon as the sight is up I will post up the link as I am sure it will become one of my regular reads

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

the star that shines in controvercy

I realized today that I am not displaying a pentacle on my blog.
I planned to rectify the problem and immediately started searching for an image that would suit my blog, it dawned on me then that by adding the controversial little trinket to my side bar I would be inviting more than my fair share of hate speech, and negative energy to my home on blog lane and I would thus like to take this opportunity to not only defend myself but also give those who are less enlightened about the subject a little history/ symbology lesson on this very harmless symbol.

From bitter experience I have learnt that the Christians will be the first to attack me for my “blasphemies” so I am going to address this group first.

No doubt you believe it is a symbol of pure evil, used to denote those who dabble in the dark arts.
While this is a complete misinterpretation one can not blame conservative church goers for the misunderstanding considering the history the church has had with this symbol.

In medieval times the pentacle was actually a Christian symbol, with the five points of the star representing the five wounds of Christ and the five joys that Mary had of Jesus (the annunciation, the Nativity, the resurrection, the ascension and the assumption).
It also served as a protective talisman that (ironically) was believed to ward of witches.

The pentacle also featured in the 14th century poem “Sir Gwaine and the green knight”..
Representing the five virtues of knighthood (noble generosity, fellowship, purity, courtesy, and compassion.) the pentacle was emblazed on sir Gwaine’s shield as a remainder of the virtues nature sir Gwaine strived to embody.

However some time in the twentieth century the church rejected the symbol as it had increasingly become associated with a rebellious group set on rejecting the teachings of the church.
Used as a sign of rebellion or religious identification for these so called Satanists the star was turned upside down, with three points pointing downwards the group made their rejection of the holy trinity clear to the outside world.
Usually inscribed within a double circle the star was named the sigil of Baphomet and became the official insignia for the church of Satan.

Having said this I do concede that the Pentacle in some form does have some satanistic connotations (even though it is a direct result of its Christian connection), but I would also like to point out that the pentacle is one of the oldest symbols in history and it’s first known uses date back to 3000BC since then it has enjoyed attention in so many teachings, religions and cults that it would be short sighted to limit this piece to a never ending battle between the Church and those who had fallen from its grace.

The Neo-Pagan Pentacle

In modern society the pentacle seems to be coming out of the closet again and it is not uncommon to see people donning pentacle jewelry or clothing.
Personally I believe that the increasing popularity of esoteric believe systems such as Wicca and neo-Paganism has greatly contributed to the positive PR drive around this ancient symbol.
As a crucifix might identify a Christian so a pentacle may identify a wiccan a witch or a pagan and a as a religious symbol it is no les meaningful than its Christian peer.

To completely understand the very loaded meaning of the pagan pentacle one needs to understand a bit about the believes that govern it first and while I fully intend to get into that at a later stage I fear that my genesis of witchcraft my be too much to digest at this point in time

What I am going to say though is that the four bottom points of the star represent the elements Earth, Wind (or air), fire and water, elements that were first linked to the star by the Pythagoreans who considered the pentacle a mathematical perfection.
The top most point represents Spirit and many believe that spirit will rule over all other elements… however since this is a religion that promotes freedom of expression the symbol is open for personal interpretation.
The pagan pentacle is inscribed by a single circle that represents the circle of life (birth death and rebirth).
This symbol is used in ritual magic and during the invocation of the elements.
It is not however meant as symbol of evil at all!

Other meanings have come from all corners of the world and its connection with the planet Venus is one of the most widely known.
However the reason for the parallel being drawn between the planet and the five pointed star is not a common fact and it might interest you to know that the planet Venus traces an imperfect pentacle across the heavens every eight years.
Wether the ancients were aware of this or not, I don’t know but it would be my number one theory on the true origins of the pentacle.


Please note that intend to elaborate on this subject in the coming weeks giving specific attention to the influence that the pentacle has had on our history.

In closing I would like to say that I strongly believe that the pentacle is a symbol of human nature.
Over hundreds of years good people have taken this symbol and have praised it for its embodiment of purity and wholeness, but at the same time those with less wholesome intentions have stripped it of all its virtues just to dress it up as the symbol of darkness.

A symbol does not have intent so it cannot harm nor does it have choice so it cannot decide between good and evil.
It will only mirror the intent and choice of those who choose to interpret it

I only find it disturbing that the naïve are always inclined towards a negative interpretation

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Monday, December 03, 2007

happy Tuesday

Good morning Blog land.
I hope all of you have slept well and that Tuesday has brought relieve from the weekend hangovers and bad moods that are own to Mondays
Yes Bunnies I am in a good mood.

Hey you close your mouth, gawking is not attractive at all!

Once all of you have recovered from the shock allow me to explain the cause of this merriment.

The first reason must be the dawn of December.
There is no better month in the year… I absolutely looooove all the Christmas carols and lights and happy people.
The schools have started breaking up for the summer holiday and I love watching the kids on the street in their preppy cloths thinking they are the bees knees… or watching the girls in the malls stifle the giggles that threaten to escape their oh so mature lipstick covered lips and they sit in coffee shops trying to look 5 years older.
The fact that I am in my jeans and sneakers giggling my head of to my equally idiotic counterparts trying to look 5 years younger just amplifies how fabulously complex life really is.
While we are on the subject of Christmas and all that grand shinny stuff… I would like to recommend a few things to you guys…

We can call it Lees favorites things… only I am not giving anything away…
1) The Celtic woman Christmas carol CD. This is stunning it will make anybodies heart melt. These Irish lasses can sing like a son of a bitch and they are only overshadowed by the stunning fiddle and bad pipes
2) Chocolate Christmas tree decorations and advent calendars.
Especially if you have kids.
My mom quilted and advent calendar for us one year and everyday we got a different little gift in the run up to Christmas.

On the other hand my good mood may be because we finally started gyming yesterday.
We were measured on Friday and I was told that I was wearing a 100com ass on a 1.61m frame.
I ask you.
So yesterday we broke a sweat and contrary to ,y expectations I actually enjoyed it… no really I did.
The down side is that I pushed by broken shoulder a bit to far and now my left arm is useless.
But hey if I don’t keep up with Will he wont let me forget it.

Oh and other good news is that that English teacher who named her class teddy Mohammed has been pardoned and is back in England this morning.
She was initially Sentenced to 40 public lashings but after a lot of here-and- there
Got her reprieve despite public petitioning for her execution.

Friday, November 30, 2007

PROZAC needed

My last two post have put me in mortal danger of sounding like a girly-girl, I don’t know what came over me.
I mean actually posting up pictures of wedding dresses!!!! What is wrong with me?
Since I never delete post no matter how much I regret making them I am gonna try and divert your attention away from the blasphemy that I was momentarily driven too by an overdose of bridal web sites and lack of beer.
If you are into the girly kina thing I suggest you point your browser in the direction of Sam’s blog.
Yes it seams that that saucy little blond is back from the wasteland of facebook and is promising to stick around in blog land for a while.
I have reactivated her link and will keep it open for as long as she keeps on blogging.
This reminds me that Dan-O is also back from and elective exile doing god only knows what in god only knows where so you should saunter over to his place and add your comment to his already exhausting readers list.

Life in our little log cabin has been uncharacteristically quite and I think the silence is getting to my cats.
Yesterday I found Jabba trying to slit his wrists on a tuna tin.
I am a big enough person (Shut up Will) to shoulder most of the blame on this one as my attempts at anger management have resulted in a serious decline in swearing and high pitched opinionated monologs,
I believe that this also made me a more agreeable person as Will has been nice to me on two occasions this week, however since he put his hunny “Piglet” on a plane to Cape town for her Matriek holiday I am not worrying to much as the absence of the little pink blond will have him back to his tyrannically terrible mood in no time.

Stiffla has limited his living space to the one meter of carpet in front of his PC. I believe this is one of the side effects to “call of duty, modern war fare”.
The man has only left his post to eat, crap and pester me.
Admittedly I have been a bit of a slave to a PC recently too.
The book that Will and I are working on had its second installment posted on his blog this week, after which I decided that it was substandard and needed a desperate attitude adjustment.
I now feel like I have a laptop growing out of my thighs but I am almost done turning the one page installment into almost three pages.
Once this is done Will is gonna proof and approve before we put it up where I hope you guys will be able to help me with the magical fight that is giving me nightmares.

While searching for illustrations to inspire our characters I have also realized that I am slowly but surely leaving my goth art stage and entering a phase in my blogging that will be heavily colored by anime.
If you don’t like it build a bridge.

(notice the erratic train of thought as I skip to another subject)

People are like snotty noses… just when you think their gone for good they come back.
I have a friend like that.
We are girlfriends in the very true sense of the word.
Yes we grew up together and yes we hated one another most of the time, we stole each others boyfriends and made one another’s lives terrible.
She was there when my dad died despite the fact that we hadn’t spoken in over a year and she came back when my fiancé died.
We got drunk together, and danced on stages in skanky clubs for the hell of it, we got drunk together and made out and then we had a fight and then we made up.
She’s tones of fun and she’s a stunning looking woman and the fact it over shadowed by our immortal jealousy of one another.

But things have changed a little … she’s not fun anymore… in fact she’s a bit self conscious and a bit La-de-da.
I know this and I have told myself that we have grown past each other and I should just leave it.
But I can’t. that dreamy bit of me that reacts to smells and dejavu (shit how do you spell that) misses her terribly.
And sometimes that bit overrides the logical side that knows that those days are dead.
Why is that do you think.
Why do we always forget the bad so quickly and run back into our old mistakes with childlike hope and optimism.

Oh look at that I sound like a princess again
I may as well give up now, make my blog pink and build a shrine, to the power puff girls

wedding dresses

Since its Friday I am gonna spare you and strenuous neural activity that might be needed to decipher my normal blog content and instead I am juts gonna ask you which one you like more.
I will excuse all the guys if they don’t participate

I have been running through a few sights and I have found a selection of gowns that I love and I would like you guys to help me make up my mind

Dress one
This is my moms favorite and I am so into the red .

Dress two
This one is Stiffla’s favourite. and yes I am letting him see the dress

Dress Three
And this is one of my favorites I like all of them this is just the only one I found on my own

Now bunnies tel me what you like more.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I rarely diviat from my very strickt no mushy post rule but when I got this e-mail I could not help myself.
I had been going through some wedding drss pictures telling myself how lucky I am that it really doesnt matter what dress I pick cos Stiffla will have that goofy "your perdy" look on his face anyway.
Then the cyber Gods sent me this
What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . .
Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babies.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:


"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8


"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4


"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5


"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6


"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4


"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7


"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8


"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)


"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)


"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7


"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6


"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8


"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6


"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5


"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7


"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4


"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4


"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)

Karen - age 7


"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

Mark - age 6


"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

Monday, November 26, 2007

Murphy strikes again

My life consists of feeding the 2 commando worms who share my pigsty… working my way up the corporate ladder (the rungs of which exceeds the time I have to waste on it) and the endless battle that I fight with a particularly malicious gentleman named Murphy.
I think that I may have dated Murphy in high school or otherwise wounded the man as he seems intent on ruining me but today the bastard went too damn far.

Christmas is a Big Thing in Nestpark.
No hang on it’s a HUGE thing in Nestpark particularly in the Parker and Wally Households.
My mother has a 2m high Christmas tree that matches the wreaths above the fire place, the tree is decorated on the same date every year and it still coincides with the day my dad’s leave used to start.
The cable light sleigh and reighndeer are prance between the blue gum trees on the bottom lawn and we have icicle lights wrapped around the Lapa.
Three days before Christmas the cooking starts and my mom and I smoke pork into gammon and beef into pastrami.
The day before Christmas the salmon mouse is made and old Christmas eve we tan a piece of meat on the braai fire while mom and I drink enough sherry to deprive the tryval of its finger biscuits.
We still sit on the floor on Christmas morning like kids and that is the way it will stay.
My whole year builds up to this and I have found myself reaching for the Christmas decorations since the beginning of November and now the time is so close that I can smell the pickling mix and home made mustard.

However I think that Murphy may be in cahoots with the Grinch and is pushing his agenda on my “Ho Ho and a merry Christmas to you too” self.

Driving along this bright Monday morning after a good weekend of shopping, four hours of target practice in the back yard, one braai, three hotdogs, one helluva good party and a good Sunday afternoon sleep; I was reflecting on how good life was.
“Your finally getting there hunny” I told myself as I reflected on what I have achieved this year and what I plan to achieve before the year ends.
Then it happened. A bang.
When my eyes flew up to my rear-view to identify my target I saw a large piece of sheet metal fly out the back of my car.
It hit the windscreen of the Lumina behind me before the rear of my car glided out in the wrong direction.
I recovered it and limped my little baby to the nearest petrol station.
It had cut right through my tyre… Right through.
I changed the tyre in my good cloths and did further damage to my ego as I drove of on three 15” mags and one 13” rim.
It cost me almost R500 to replace, an amount that I had intended spend on a fibre optic Christmas tree and a role of rope lights that could cross the Atlantic.
Now, since my last Christmas tree was misplaced in our move, I have to settle for a tree with an anti consumerism opinion.
I have decided that I am looking on the bright side of things and intend deriving my Christmas jollies from converting will from the computer addicted imagination deprived screwge he is to Santa’s biggest cheerleader”
What fun it will be.

Peace out Peeps

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Blank space

I am sure that it has not escaped your attention that I have had some trouble composing anything that even remotely resembles a good blog.
I suppose the fact that it takes half the day to comment on all my regular reads contributes to my lack of creativity… not that I don’t enjoy this little ritual… oh no quite to the contrary… the problem is the fact that after reading every bodies blogs I waiver in my trust in my own writing skills.
When I get home I also spend a good amount of time writing the novel that Will and I are slowly but surely coloring in.
I say this because the entire book has been written and it’s about 5 pages long and we are now adding all the good language, complex metaphors and emotional illustrations that will turn the 5 pages into a book.

I also intend to make a concerted effort to read more as I am slowly but surely realizing that Stiffla and Will are developing a new habit that will surely be the downfall of my over inflated ego.
God only knows what prompts them but lately these two have presented me with some strange questions.
Ranging form Saran gas to the complexities of Roman History (and Will knows full well that he knows more about Rome than I do so he really is just trying to piss me off) they look at me with this complete trust and when I finally swallow down the bile that is accompanied by having to say “I don’t know” they have a damn good giggle and make another note on the “things Lee doesn’t know List”.
Either I am the epitome of obnoxious or these two are just little daemons.
I am quite sure it’s the latter but I still intend on formulating a counter attack that will see me emerge the victor and let me maintain my title of household know it all and hanus Bitch.

Speaking of Bitch.
I have just rented a leash and a Muzzle from the animal welfare society .
I am taking Stiffla cloths shopping this weekend and I have decided that I should come prepared for whatever the little bugger chucks at me.
In Stiff’s defense I am forced to point out that my obsession with finding the best possible selection at the lowest possible price has turned me into the worst shopper to ever set foot in the realm of Malldom.
However If I left my techno obsessed better half to complete the strenuous task of clothing shopping on his own he would most likely return with a pair of sox a full tummy and ten DVD’s forcing me to spend another 4 months bitching that I can see through his nice shirts.
I did offer to do the shopping on my own but I think my man doubts my taste a little bit and the fact that cloths don’t come in “skinny little bastard” size also doesn’t help the situation.
I think that we have reached a compromise.
I am to bargain hunt at my favorite stores after work today and make my selection (a trip I intent forcing Will to attend)
And tomorrow I will Drag stiff Kicking and screaming into the change rooms to fit the cloths and then pay.

I am also hoping that the financial director decides to be a darling and pays me today
It is coming terribly close to Christmas which is the biggest day of the year and I will not be the only person across the row of three houses that make up our family to be without a Christmas tree and too much tinsel.

By the way it is not our tradition so this is why I may be getting the days wrong… But to all my American readers… I hope you hade a clucking good thanks giving

Peace out peeps

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

OMG I am shameless

I think the thing that I love most about blogging is that there are no rules and thus no damn shame.
I just when along and nominated myself for a bloggers choice award and I voted for myself and guess what I don’t feel bad about it at all
In fact I feel rather good about it.

Another thing that I feel rather good about is the fact that while I was spending some time blog whoring I found out that Angel likes planning weddings and I also found a rather nice dress to add to my “that’s a nice idée” list in my wedding file.
I feel good about this because I am getting married at the end of next year and I am dreading the prospect of planning the damn thing.
Now I can lean on Angel for ideas.

I am also having a hard time with my fingers today… they don’t work.
I have just spelt my name wrong three times before I got the letters to go in the right order.
Hopefully this will stop soon because I have a book to edit.

Okay I’m giving you homework hunnies.
You have to do two things
1) Go make a new Blog friend
2) Go nominate your own or somebody else’s blog when you go and vote for mine and I will in turn vote for yours

Oh and while I am here I am reminding myself that I should write something on Girl on Girl snogging soon

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Survivor theory

Last night “Survivor Cook Island” drew to a conclusion on South-African television and Yule who had the unwavering support of our household from the very beginning walked away with a cheque for a million dollars.

The episode of survivor was a direct contrast to the home coming of the 50 American soldiers that was shown on the Oprah show only hours before that.

And while I hate to admit it, the fact is that a game show and a gossipy talk show illustrated ,almost exactly, the difference between third world and first world countries.

I think that the populace of third world countries, due to extreme poverty and the lack of strong leadership, are a very self preserving people. Each is playing for himself and the prospect of personal gain overrides the need for a structured society.
I will illustrate my point with a simple example.
This morning while I was stuck in the traffic I noticed that the woman behind me was sucking on an Ashman pump every two or three minutes. I felt very sorry for her as the line of cars in front of us stretch along for a good three km.
However while I was sitting there cringing at the bad selection on radio music a mini bus taxi raced by me in the emergency lane right to the front of the line of stationary vehicles.
Obviously the people in the front of the line were reluctant to let this obnoxious line jumper in so the taxi driver thought it would be terribly smart to drive over the curb to the other side of the intersection and push in front of somebody there.
He had little regard for the other people who were following the rules and did not consider that every one of us are as desperate to get to work as he is, No his only concern was for his own gain.

I cal this the survivor society.
And I honestly think that this should be considered when governing our people.
I think that the causes for this behavior should be addressed before all ells.

Then on the other side of the spectrum there is the United States, a country that for the most part has been able to depict itself as the picture of patriotism.
It is no secret that 50% of the population don’t agree with Bushes money hungry war mongering interference in Iraq but that hasn’t stopped thousands of young soldiers from laying their life down on the line for their country.
I am under no illusion that it is all sunshine and roses on those far of shores and I realize that every barrel has its bad apples but for the most part the U.S. has risen above poverty and most of the challenges that face third world countries and the population understands that sacrifices have to be made to maintain their current standards of living.

This by the way is only the first installment of the survivor theory as I plan to solve the worlds problems in the next.

By the way, I spent three hours editing Wills first installment of his, as yet nameless, book so I would appreciate it if you go around and comment as both of us are welcoming construcktive criticism on it.
So go around to Wills blog and have a look at it

Monday, November 19, 2007

Driving in Africa and Hallo in Turkish

The day I got my drivers licensed was the day that I finally won my freedom.
I say finally because I only became a legal driver at 21 years of age.
Before that I relied on my mothers reluctant generosity and my powers of persuasion to get me where I was going, a fact that drove my independent ego around the twist.

The fact that the first singes of civilization were a good 20km (12.5miles) drive from our home did not make the bruise on my social life any easier to bare and I was convinced that having my drivers license would change my life.
For once my materialistic outlook proved to be right.

In a country where using public transport is as safe as bleeding in a shark tank, having your own car and being allowed to drive it can change your entire existence
However passing your drivers License test is probably the most difficult thing the that young people in South-Africa must do.
I personally thought that getting my High school diploma was a walk in the park in comparison.
I only got my drivers Licensed on the fourth try and it was the source of much depression and tears every time that I failed.
I think that it was the most difficult time in Stiffla and My relationship and Stiffla must have felt like he was living with leonine porcupine with a cactus enema.

This weekend I spent some time with a very dear friend of mine as they practiced for their own driver’s test that will take place tomorrow.
They practiced reverse parking and all the silly observations that turn this simple task into a near impossible feat.
Then there is the parallel parking that is not without its own set of observations
Side mirror, rear view mirror, check your blind spot, put your indicator on , put your car in gear, control your clutch, release hand brake, check blind spot while pulling away and so on and so on.
The simple act of stopping at a robot becomes a half hour look-here-look-there complication that you are lucky to complete before the traffic light turns red again.
And all the while the worst out of an already sour picking of public services scrutinizes your driving skill.
The fact that once you have passed this test, you will never drive like this again is irrelevant and the fact that you are being tested against a false standard escapes the traffic department.
So I find it rather aggravating that my friend is being put under such stress for the sake of such a load of unnecessary crap.
It aggravates me even further that I know what my friend feels like and I cannot help make it better.
Damn I wish I had a real point to make.

By the way thanks so much to CEO for the Girl Blogger award. God I love awards

And I have learnt to say hallo in Turkish from my new friend Erk who came by my blog.
Everybody say “Marhaba”

Friday, November 16, 2007

under the catagory "subjects not discussed"

A little while ago I resolved that I was going to better myself by either, stopping using bad language like I am some linguistically challenged shellfish or by curbing my anger.
Today I am wishing that I had rather decided to stop swearing….
So in an attempt to bring myself back from “the realm of the fire eater” I am posting my second blog for the day.
This is something that I don’t often do as half of the pleasure I get from blogging is derived from reading your comments…usually I give the comments a day or so to build up before I completely indulge myself in the stimulating and sometimes kookie opinions of my fellow bloggers.
However today is different and I am dedicating this blog to things that I have wanted to say ask or scream for a while yet that wont completely fill a whole post

Will is back
First of I would like to announce that after a short absence Will is back…Most of you by now have gathered that there has been a bit of politics and it is in the interest of calming the see’s of disaster that the blog has undergone a bit of a makeover and I personally feel that it has become a stronger representation of the metal head/ sport freak/ stroke pain in the but, that gives me daily reports of the consistency of his bowl movements at dinner time.
In addition to writing about his random brain farts Will, will also ad installments of the fantasy novel that he is writing at the moment.

The blog most likely to inspire a pair of pajamas award

”Maybe it's just the photograph on Nosjunkie's blog, but I see her pajamas as being more dramatic. Perhaps black vinyl, perhaps leather. Basically, I imagine her pajamas as a cross between a Cenobite from Hellraiser and Hugh Hefner”
This is what good old Crankster said about me when he did his bit to stop me from knawing though my own pulse today.
And in the spirit of spreading the love I am nomination the following people for this award

Sweet ass rsa:
In my completely uneducated opinion I would say that sweet as cant decide between silky PJ’S and flannel ones with cow spots on them so I shudder to thing what Sweet ass inspired PJ may look like.
Probably hot pants with writing on the but that says “ shut up your looking aren’t you”

Because he’s gone through some hectic times lately. His PJ would probably be Pink and say “ Man of the house” you know those kind of PJ that your significant other gives you and you just wear to make her happy.

Okay no PJ’s here just a pair of underpants with a pic of …well you know what… on the front looking les than ecstatic and a heading saying “board member” hahahaha
You see what I did there

because this lady having lost her granny lately needs some comfort.

JR: I hate to say whet everybody is thinking but JR inspired PJ’S are subtle with black and white horizontal stripes and a cereal number .

On another note.
You guys might have noticed that I am putting al sorts of toys up on my side bar and my latest is the thingie that shows the nationality of all the people who have come by your blog.
Yesterday somebody from New deli was here.
I would love it if all these people left a comment.

I would also like to know why Rabbits blog is Pink?
Rabbit why is your blog Pink?

Thursday, November 15, 2007


I am not a happy bunny today
In fact that’s an understatement
I am spitting mad and while I it is not my place to divulge the full details about what has me seeing red I intend to make as close a reference to it as is possible while still remaining completely trivial.

Lately the peaceful utopia of plot life has been shattered for no good reason.

It all started with a picture being posted on one of my regular reads, it wasn’t crude or badly intended… in fact quite the opposite… but the result has been mass hysteria.

So today I am asking the opinion of my fellow blogger, Myspacers and facebookers.

My blog has been running for more than a year and most of my blog buddies know my real name and I have pictures of myself posted.
I have not in all my time blogging had a single creep approach me or harass me.
However it is the opinion of some that displaying your picture on the internet makes you a target for freaks and perverts. And it has been the cause of more than its fair share of fight mongering in my world the last few days.

Having said this I need to highlight the fact that since I have had MXIT on my phone I have had no les than 5 people ask me to take my cloths of and talk dirty to them.
I was “up skirted” in our local shopping mall last year and I do remember a particular incident at school where a guy thought it was okay to grab a big hand full of my boobs.

I am of the opinion that stepping out of your front door in the morning is more dangerous than blogging or having your face plastered all over facebook and myspace.

Granted If I were a mother I wouldn’t want my 10 or 16 year old on the internet but at 18 I don’t think it matters anymore because you can’t even go to a club or pub without somebody putting your face on the net.

People Please tell me If I am wrong.
I more than welcome everybody’s honest opinions

I don’t think that the net is more dangerous than the real world. If I wanted to cut and past your face onto a naked body I could quite easily take a picture of you in a mall or on the street and do that.
I don’t think that having a picture on the net makes you any more attractive to pervs than wearing a bikini on the beach.
Yes I am against all sorts of child porn or exploitation of children but for all that is holly be reasonable about it all.


I realize that this is very uncharacteristic of me but today I would like to share a love story with you.
I feel that I need to tell this story for various reasons one being that love to watch the pages of this romance turn as I am fast leaving that phase of my life behind where whimsical young love may fall into my lap at any turn.

This is the story of Slipknot and Piglet and it started when they met at my house on New Years Eve.
Piglet is my very best friend, a fact that I seldom mention but is no less true for it. She’s a small happy pink little thing who is so cute you may feel tempted to fold her up and carry her around in your handbag.
Having not yet reached the age of eighteen and having been schooled in single sex schools her whole life Piglet was calm and reserved among the testosterone charged frivolity of the New Year celebration.
Slip knot on the other hand had spotted her in the crowd almost instantly and immediately started pestering me about her.

In early February they finally had a chance to chat and it was rather sweet watching their jittery little conversations and shy gestures.
But Slip Knot had made up his mind and when valentines came around the bay made his move…
Piglet was greeted with heart shaped balloons roses and chocolates strewn across her bed when she got home and it truly was enough to make your heart melt.

I am not sure when it became official but today Slipknot and Piglet are inseparable.

I am telling you this because I am the most hanus sister a girl could ask fore my real sister “Tigger” and I are not on speaking terms as I have hate her boyfriend and have one more than one occasions threatened to do unthinkable things to him.
I once chase a bunch of guys out of our house at three in the morning with a cricket bat and a serious intent to use it.

However I have known Piglet since her teeth were the most eye catching thing about her and she is as close to me as my real sister should be. I love her to death and would do everything humanly possible to make sure no harm befalls her (I am not even exaggerating) and I honestly feel that Slipknot would do the same

He respects her and protects her with his every breath.
He respects the fact that she is writing exams and needs to spend time with her books
He gives her time with her friends and her family and at the same time respects her family just as much.
And most of all her would rather die than hurt her emotionally, physically or in any other way.

Unfortunately this fairy tale is under immense strain right now through no fault of Piglet’s or Slipknot’s and because I am a great believer in the power of thought I would like all of you who can spare the moment to just send them thoughts of strength and support.
Make it your good deed for the day and save some of the little love that is left in the world

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

SEX! Oh no!!!!

I find it strange that in a house of open minded liberal thinkers sex was such a high hurdle to jump.
Its sad but it is true… by the time my mother finally scraped together the stomach to talk to me about sex I was 21 years old and no longer in need of her jittery little chat.
I remember her trying once when I was 14 but at 14 the information obtained from your juvenile friends regarding the subject is far more interesting and ,in your mind, far more accurate than the horror stories that your fossilized old mother could come up with.

At the end of the day when I lost my virginity it had nothing to do with an emotional bond with my chosen partner but rather a matter of not being able to contain the curiosity that by now occupied 90% of my conscious thoughts and 100% of my subconscious thoughts.
The fact that he was a virgin and making himself shamelessly available provided an opportunity that could not be passed up.
Needles to say I was left a little disappointed and a little ashamed.
You see in those formative years I was desperately trying to fit into the box and unfortunately that box left no room for such fornication so I turned my little encounter into a full blown 11month relationship.

Today I cant help thinking that If I had grown up in household where sex was discussed as if it were common place and not as if it were some form flesh eating virus I would have been able to escape the years of guilt that sex triggered.
I may also have been able to contain my curiosity for a little while longer.

I don’t think that sex is evil or that it is the direct path to eternal damnation and I am bale to realize that it is a natural urge that needs to be satisfied.
I understand that teenagers are little les than fleshy balls of hormonal dysfunctions (having recently been one of those fleshy balls myself) and that all of them are thinking of having sex.
And I honestly believe that if you start talking to your children about sex when their teens it is way too late.
I think that sex should not be seen as a taboo subject for discussion for children at all I believe that you should talk to them about it from a young age and try and maintain these lines of communication throughout high school and onwards.
While this may be uncomfortable I think the pro’s outweigh the cons…
For toddles a knowledge of what sex is will protect that child from falling victim to sexual predators.
For teens knowing what sex is and what to expect will lower the risk of teen pregnancies will teach a child that they can speak to their finally openly if they are being pressured and it will also mean a higher awareness of STD’S.
As an adult I think that getting rid of the inhibitions surrounded by sex can only benefit your sex life.

So why am I bringing this up?
Well I am bringing this up because I felt that this is definitely one of my more useful rushes of shit to the brain and I would like to document it now while I am young enough to understand my theory so that one day my children my benefit from it.

What do you guys think…am I going to damage my children for life by implementing my latest brain fart

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Random Bullshit for a Tuesday

My Monday blog absence can be attributed to the fact that I had to drive to Rustenburg to close a business deal.
While I love driving in general I do object to being subjected to my own company for these long stretches of time.
I am completely unable to maintain my own sanity if I have nobody near me to drive nuts.
It is for this reason that I find myself rather distressed at the state of radio in South-Africa.
I often depend on radio stations such as 5fm, Highveld and recently Jacaranda to keep me company on the long roads and the unavoidable traffic jams and while Highveld’s Rude Awakening and 5fm’s Morning show with Gareth Cliff and Fresh Drive with DJ Fresh are adequate as far as conversation and topic go I find myself cringing at the choice of music that they play.
While I do realize that these stations have to cater for a diverse group of people and cant please 100% of people 100% of the time would it kill them to replace Britney Spears with a bit of greenday or System.
I am not even going to talk about the lunch time shows on S.A. radio because such boredom could reduce me to tears.
I am petitioning for an all rock station to be launched in a n effort to maintain minimum sanity

On another note.
It seems that the geeks are in season and my weekend fell victim to a stampede of these sunlight deprived creatures and I was subjected to a LAN party.
Counter strike and Heineken was the going poison and even I joined in fore a round or two (but only because they let me shoot at Stiffla).
Admittedly…I am currently coming down from a mild addiction to Oblivion, but apart from that I am not completely taken in by the pixel driven world of gaming whether it be by PC or PS.
Stiffla and Will however, are a mutated form of geek, a point which at the best of times drives me up the wall because it deprives me of the human interaction I desperately crave when I get home.
Unfortunately, until the novelty of “hellgate London” has worn off I am stuck talking to my cats and a very depressed looking carrot.
Have you guys ever noticed how cyber chicks are always uber hot?

Oh by the way, look what wondered into the garden to come trim the lawn yesterday evening

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Moral or Humane

Would you rather be moral or humane?

Face book calls it a cause and a little while ago woman around the world were queuing up to join the “if you cant take care of it keep your legs closed” cause. The page showed horrific pictures of the results of abortions, the graphics were disturbing and it had those woman spitting mad.
One poor woman who had obviously opted for an abortion was ripped apart in the comments section and Chaz even blogged about it.
Chaz and I also discussed this at length and at the end of the day it was evident that I had not yet formulated an opinion about the subject that I could completely stand by.

However after putting a great deal of thought into it I have come up with something and against all expectations I am going to say that I support the legalization of abortion.

I realized that so many people were taking the moral high ground by saying that abortion is murder and saying that woman who can’t afford the financial responsibility of taking care of the child should stop having sex.

I counter the latter statement with pure logic…
Build a bridge and get over it…
They will not stop having sex and saying that they should is pissing in to the wind.

Unwanted pregnancies are here to stay especially in under developed countries and among the poor.

Before I start my explanation I want you all to realize that I am not condoning any of this but rather that I realize that the problem of unwanted children is one that will not be solved for years to come and in the mean time it has become a situation of picking the lesser of two evils

A little while ago a new born was found wrapped in plastic bag and buried alive. It was a miracle in itself that the child survived.
Another was thrown down a pit toilet and hundreds are discarded on rubbish dumps in dustbins and open pieces of felt.
The child in the picture above was left in the felt at the mercy of hungry predators.

Mothers who don’t want their children will get rid of them one way or another whether they throttle them with their own umbilical cord before flushing them down the toilet or whether they abort the fetus.

This is the fact and this is where we have to choose, are we going to be moral and say that this is murder and perhaps sentence that child to a worse fate

Or are we going to be humane and spare that child from drowning or being buried alive by giving the mother the option of abortion.

Look at it this way a fetus that is not fully developed and fully aware will suffer a whole lot less at the hands of abortion than a new born fully developed baby would when starving slowly to death

Somebody is telling me that the child in the picture is okay…so there is hope right?
However the lady who found the child in the felt says that for every one that they save there a thirteen others that die long painful deaths.

So what do you think
Humane or Moral ?

Blog scrap booking

Hi there guys
I promis to blog something usefull soon but in the mean time I want to let you guys know about this killer great site I found.
Its called Blingee and it lets you modify pics with all sorts of bling.
so go to and see what you can do
This is one I made of Will and I am so proud of my work

Princess Will HAHAHA
Create cool Profile Comments

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Coogles and man eaters

When I walk down the passage Will makes beeping noises and warns people of a wide load… I, in turn, have named his belt “equator” and yell “please don’t eat me” when he walks in the door.
This is “the fight of the fat” and Will started it, not because I am stereotypically obese but because it is a fail save way to piss me off… Lately however the situation has escalated and the light hearted every-now-and-then banter has become obsessive stabbing… here I take responsibility… When Will moved in with us he was in the okay shape one would expect from someone who spent years drinking…errr… I mean playing on a mediocre to kak school rugby team…However my good food, his inexhaustible appetite for it and the chair bound life of an obsessive geek has made his clothing shrink and his gut expand.
I do understand that the African sun is harsh on a man and that growing a gut would at least shade his genitals but I do fear the effects that eternal shade my have on the young man… nothing grows in the shade after all.
Anyway in the hopes of achieving a truce Will and I joined a gym.

We set of in search of a suitable price … I mean facility on Monday afternoon and our attentions were immediately drawn to the bright red and blue of one of our countries top franchises.
I parked my poor Corsa at the end of a line of shinny BMW’s and walked away very quickly.
Inside an umpa-lumpa shaped consultant collected us for a terribly brief tour of the gym.
As we walked we passed a spinning class that reminded me of a bunch of grapes. Ten red faced round coogles pedaled for dear life in their branded pink gym gear as they glared at us with apparent disapproval.
In another section we found a sinewy stick insect lifting free weights, he looked much too interested in Will so we moved on with speed.
We were introduced to treadmills with built in TV’s and reclinable bikes. I found this terribly ironic, but quickly realized that I was the only one and that rich people don’t like you laughing when their training.
We were whisked into a tiny damp little office where the Umpa-Lumpa lady pretended to make us a great deal.
This must have been the cardio facility because once the final figures and a 36 month contract was shown to me I left complaining of severe cardio vascular failure.

We decided to try one other place before giving ourselves in to prospect of eternal flab and took a short left to an independently managed gym in a mall.
This time the salesperson didn’t resemble anything out of a kiddies book and we would soon find out that the gym was running on an impromptu world wrestling federation theme.
The hairless Chewbacca paraded an intimidated me and an inadequate looking Will past some of his kin who looked like they were on a strict diet of dinosaur dung and human beings. One of them grunted at me and I almost crapped myself.
There were TVless treadmills and a hysterically happy aerobics teacher who proves the release of endorphins by physical activity.
At the back they have a room with machines that shocks the living shit out of you until your fat surrenders and buggers off.
They also offer kickboxing and I have signed Will up for belly dancing.
Chewy drew up some numbers and undercut the coogle gym by almost half… we signed the twelve month contract (Partly because I feared the consequences of saying no to this man eater) and we are now members of an elite S.A click who are addicted to physical fitness.

Next week Will and I have to go for a body analysis so that they can put percentages to our fat.
I am challenging Will… If you post your fat percentage rubbish I’ll post mine for the whole wide world to see.

In the comments say whatever you want… your going to anyway… and if anybody posts “whatever you want” you get 10 smart ass points

Peace out peeps

Monday, November 05, 2007

socking revelation

Since Mondays are such melancholy days by nature I decided to bring this up today even though the thought occurred to me a little while ago.

Some time ago, one of my regular reads went on a short trip…it was supposed to be a 24 hour thing… However when I checked in two days latter there had been no update on this blog and my neurotic little mind started doing summersaults.
There was no way for me to tell what had happened to my cyber buddy… what if he had gotten hit by an elephant and died a tragic death.

While I more than understand that these friendships that we form on the net are not clearly defined, I really would like to know if something happened to you because at the end of the day no matter how abstract these relationships are I still consider you my friends.

I am going to entrust my password to someone in my family today so that if something were to happen to me there would be someone to let you guys know.

Let me know what your opinions are about this.

On another morbid note:
Last night Will, myself and Stiffla were out on the porch gawking at the lightning.
I love thunderstorms and living on the plot we have more than our fair share of skyline to enjoy it but last night was stunning the lightning bolts showered down endlessly…

This morning however I got a glimpse of the less stunning side when my mom let me know that my step dad’s father had actually been struck by lightning… He’s alright but I googled it and it turns out the chances of getting struck by lightning is 576,000 to 1

I am sorry this is badly written and boring but I am in a hurry
Peace out peeps

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Wills Blog and Satan's Birthday

Halloween came and passed in South-Africa with only one or two pubs sporting a cobweb or two.
There was no trick or treating in our neighborhood… leaving me disappointed as I had my heart set on scaring the crap out of a kid or two, I did however hear one or two of the caller on the 5fm morning show tell Gareth Cliff that in one or two secure complexes the neighborhood watch pulled together and arranged trick or treating for the kids. I suppose that if you don’t live in South-Africa it must be very hard to understand why you would need the support of the neighborhood watch to go trick or treating.
Either way it was on this same breakfast show that one of those puritan bible pushers phoned in and pronounced that she would never ever celebrate Halloween as it is Satan’s Birthday.
I immediately turned into one of those people you see in the traffic laughing at their radio.
I was dumb struck to say the least…
Tell me what you guys think before I launch into a massive explanation as to why this woman needs help

I am sending you guys off to another Blogg. First link on my link List…. Go check out Will’s blogg.
After my graphic explanation of our shopping antics Will retaliated by creating a Blogg for himself its called “the mind of a shit stirrer” and I suggest you take a strong constitution and a whole hell of a lot of parental guidance along because will is set on proving why he should not be left to roam freely among the normal people.
My suggestions that he tone down his language has fallen on deaf ears and this Blog is not for the sensitive.

I am getting to posting on every bodies bloggs so just hang on

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Shoping with the family

This morning I was playing touch rugby with Sawyer from Lost on a deserted beach when Stiffla told me to move up.
Reluctantly I opened one eye and it shot in the direction of the window… the slight misty resentment I boarded towards Stiffla for disturbing me from my dream evaporated into one of those real “Oh shit” feelings. The sun was shining…which meant one of two things…. Either it was Saturday or I had overslept.
It turned out to be the latter.
In 15min I was dressed and driving the living shit out of “Giffie” (my car) and yet I still pitched late for work.

I have decided to blame this slothly behavior on Stiffla’s Brother “Will”.
Yesterday a months hard labour and misuse of the companies internet facilities paid of and I, like the rest of the population, flocked to the supermarket so that I can take my family off the diet of cardboard box and tomato sauce I had them on.
Usually we all do this together as I keep Stiffla and Will under the illusion that they actually have a say in what they eat.
The boys register their dislike of this monthly ritual in various way’s.
For one; each insists on having his own trolley, this is not because they are overly helpful but rather because they want to race one another up and down the tampon isle. (the bright side is that half of the woman in Boksburg have been frightened into early menopause)
The only reason I permit this behavior is because if we get only one trolley one of the boys commits himself to the cockpit of this Pick and Pay propelled hell cart, and believe me there is not much room in there next to a 20 year old kid.
Other manifestations of their bad grace include adding an assortment of sweets chips and toys to my selection when I am not looking. I have countered this by sticking to a budget, if after the bare essentials have been paid for there is any money left they get to choose from the collection of crap they added.
They also unpack my trolley in the wrong order and then tell me that I am a hag when I bitch about having oven cleaner in the same packet as the frozen goods.
And the most recent trick is to go watch movies…. No hang on you don’t get it… I found them flat on their asses in the appliance section, each with a packet of jumping jack popcorn watching the movie they run on the screens.

I ask you. It’s no wonder their mothers a text book psycho.

Anyway, yesterday, Stiffla was not able to make the expedition and I was left with just Will.
If you have ever taken a three year old shopping you will have some idée as to what I went through.
I picked him up from work and having a captive audience, I announced that we had to go do the shopping.
He looked at me like a wet cat and said “do we have to”
“Yes” I said sternly, then Will stuck his head out the window of my moving car and asked the woman in the car next to us if she would adopt him.
Leaving the poor woman to her heart attack we made our way to the hyper market where I had to bribe the little bugger with food before he donned a shopping cart.
With a long face he followed me and grabbed every opportunity to piss me off.
The floor of the unfortunate institute is now plastered in egg and mayonnaise because every time I want to drop something in the cart Will reversed it.
I learnt my lesson and started creeping up on him… however the creative mind of a shit stirrer has now limits and he retaliated by trying to ram the cart into my ankles.

I am now petitioning that the shopping cart be registered as a lethal weapon.
I have yet to hear the end of this and he is still bitching about the inhumane torture I put him through.

Latter I am going shopping with Chaz and I swear that if she breaks any speed limits with a trolley or dons a cucumber as a fashion accessory I am going to stick my head in the microwave

Monday, October 29, 2007

Blogs that hit the spot

I am sorry that I am only getting around to spreading the love now but my mother in law called me a “snotkop” (snot head) over the weekend and I have been sulking about the fact that a person with brain activity that barely rivals that of single selled organisms had the nerve to call me something so degrading. She also insulted my family and extended family so I am really pissed and am as we speak composing a really good argument to have her tar and feathered.

But late is better than never unless you’re a woman and then late is just as bad for ones nerves…. Did I say that out loud .

So here it is

A little while ago…okay admittedly a little longer than that. CEO nominated me for an award thingie.
I was killer ecstatic cos I have never gotten one of these things and I am yet to figure out where to put it so I can be 100% la-dee-da about it.
Thanks CEO

Anyway the point I think is to spread the love so here are my nominations for Blogs that hit the spot.

Etain is a poet and a writer and she writes about very real things and emotions and always executes this perfectly

What can I say other than… reading his blog has improved my sex life. This blog is not for the faint at heart peeps

This lady is the coolest single mom I know. She’s big on writing bout life and the real stuff. She’s also an S.A . blogger with spunk.

Okay where do I begin.
I go to this blog everyday just to see if he’ll through me a bone by giving me an idée about who fish is. He’s one of those guys who has so much color that you could spend the day just baiting him into a conversation

Pink stuffing
Shes young and fun, I almost identify with her and she runs TOO MUCH INFORMATION TUESDAYS!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Monster in law

Anthony told me he had cancer so that I wouldn’t dump him, I told him never to come near me again and swore that I would never commit to a guy who has less integrity than I have and who thinks that aluminum touring style wings are "Pimping". Anthony got a fourteen year old pregnant and is now awaiting the birth of his illegitimate brat.

Then came another chapter that I dare not cover here because I just might want to chew off my arm and hit myself with the stump.
However out of this 11month long pit of hell my current relationship was born.

Stiffla was ,to me, the proverbial silver lining around a very dark cloud.
I am not gonna get into the details today because I have a strict no gooey squishy post clause. All that I am going to say is that Stiffla doesn’t have a jealous bone in his body, he would never cheat (primarily because he wouldn’t know a flirt if it walked up to him and sexually molested him in the street) and we have never had a fight because of his completely docile nature. I scream he listens till I feel better then offers me a beer.

However our fairy tale is far from perfect…..Enter devil woman….. Stiffla’s mother is as close to the spawn of hell as you will ever get.
When we moved in together she threatened to get the priest to come talk to us about our sins.
This is no joke people she really really did saying that “living together before getting married is against Gods will” she only changed her mind when Stiffla explained that she better get a damned good priest cos he will be walking right into my playground.

After that I made the cardinal mistake of inviting the battle axe and the rest of the family to our flat for Stiffla’s birthday…
I was polite to the old Hag, swore at Willem and Dan (the brothers) and joked with Stiffla’s dad.
All went well….well at least that’s what I thought.
Unfortunately I was about to find out that years of elective unemployment (sitting on your but at home with nobody to talk to but the maid) has nursed a love of gossip in the woman.
Promptly at eight the following morning Stiffla got a phone call from the witch to explain to him that she saw dust in the flat and that she couldn’t believe that I was forcing the poor dear to do his own ironing and washing.
For Stifflas sake she said that she would come and pick up his washing and have it done fore him.

I choked on my coffee, I swore ,my lord, did I swear and when I had recovered my composure I politely told him that he could tell his mother to go Fuck herself in no uncertain terms.

Ladies and gents I work a 8:00 to 17:00 I come home, I cook and then I relax.
Obviously this woman was expecting me to quit my job so that I could wait hand and foot on her little angel.
I would rather die than become some guys maid.
I am very sorry, Stiffla was forced into domestication boot camp the second he walked into my door and I am proud to say that he cooks, Irons and washes cloths like a pro now.

Anyway the whole thing blew over and she said sorry.
Unfortunately a sewer rat doesn’t change its spots and the Troll pitched up at my house on my birthday.
Uninvited I might add.
I was doing the washing and Stiff was fixing the roof, Will was playing PC games and even poked his head out his room to say hi (we haven’t seen that much movement from him on a weekend since….)
I made a huge effort to be accommodating considering the setting.
I offered cold dink and chatted to his dad and his mom but apparently my efforts were found wanting….

On Monday the news reaches me via my trusty munchkin Will that I made her feel unwelcome.

Now the fact that she sure as hell wasn’t welcome is irrelevant, the fact that I was singled out while her sons barely acknowledged that she was there, highlights the fact that she is out to get me.


Anyway in dew time she will be told that I am not interested in her plastic friendship and she can spare her sorry for someone who gives a shit.
I will not be the victim of her board narrow little mind.
I am even considering not inviting her in the wedding.

By the way if any of you are gonna tell me that by posting this I am just as bad as she is…. I object this woman is an amateur at bitchyness compared to me