Monday, November 26, 2007

Murphy strikes again

My life consists of feeding the 2 commando worms who share my pigsty… working my way up the corporate ladder (the rungs of which exceeds the time I have to waste on it) and the endless battle that I fight with a particularly malicious gentleman named Murphy.
I think that I may have dated Murphy in high school or otherwise wounded the man as he seems intent on ruining me but today the bastard went too damn far.

Christmas is a Big Thing in Nestpark.
No hang on it’s a HUGE thing in Nestpark particularly in the Parker and Wally Households.
My mother has a 2m high Christmas tree that matches the wreaths above the fire place, the tree is decorated on the same date every year and it still coincides with the day my dad’s leave used to start.
The cable light sleigh and reighndeer are prance between the blue gum trees on the bottom lawn and we have icicle lights wrapped around the Lapa.
Three days before Christmas the cooking starts and my mom and I smoke pork into gammon and beef into pastrami.
The day before Christmas the salmon mouse is made and old Christmas eve we tan a piece of meat on the braai fire while mom and I drink enough sherry to deprive the tryval of its finger biscuits.
We still sit on the floor on Christmas morning like kids and that is the way it will stay.
My whole year builds up to this and I have found myself reaching for the Christmas decorations since the beginning of November and now the time is so close that I can smell the pickling mix and home made mustard.

However I think that Murphy may be in cahoots with the Grinch and is pushing his agenda on my “Ho Ho and a merry Christmas to you too” self.

Driving along this bright Monday morning after a good weekend of shopping, four hours of target practice in the back yard, one braai, three hotdogs, one helluva good party and a good Sunday afternoon sleep; I was reflecting on how good life was.
“Your finally getting there hunny” I told myself as I reflected on what I have achieved this year and what I plan to achieve before the year ends.
Then it happened. A bang.
When my eyes flew up to my rear-view to identify my target I saw a large piece of sheet metal fly out the back of my car.
It hit the windscreen of the Lumina behind me before the rear of my car glided out in the wrong direction.
I recovered it and limped my little baby to the nearest petrol station.
It had cut right through my tyre… Right through.
I changed the tyre in my good cloths and did further damage to my ego as I drove of on three 15” mags and one 13” rim.
It cost me almost R500 to replace, an amount that I had intended spend on a fibre optic Christmas tree and a role of rope lights that could cross the Atlantic.
Now, since my last Christmas tree was misplaced in our move, I have to settle for a tree with an anti consumerism opinion.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I have decided that I am looking on the bright side of things and intend deriving my Christmas jollies from converting will from the computer addicted imagination deprived screwge he is to Santa’s biggest cheerleader”
What fun it will be.

Peace out Peeps

11 comments:

Odat said...

Sounds like the day I had last week....don't let it get you down...
Your Christmas traditions sound delightful!
Peace

Claudia said...

Christmas there sounds like FUN!! sorry bout the tire tho'- damn Murphy...

M@ said...

Target practice? My bro-in-law is taking me "shooting out back" when I visit Vermont for Christmas. :)

M@ said...

Ironic. There is a man named Joe Murphy at my former place of work whom I am planning to call tomorrow. I'm going to scream, "FUCK YOU!" And then hang up.

It's a brilliant and dastardly plan.

sweetass RSA said...

m@ what a good idea, i should try doing that to someone once!! LOL

Lee i love christmas too!!! so much fun, all the food and the joy, ah i'm just a xmas junkie i think!

Szarek(Will) said...

People you might wana know something about Lee...

She is one hell of a shot...damn it yook a while to get into the groove,but hell...at a point she didnt mis a shot...very impressive

angel said...

aaaw i'm so sorry lee... thats kak! i am glad you're not going to allow it to destroy your mood entirely though!!!

The CEO said...

I'm sorry about the tire too, but I am so glad that the accident wasn't worse, and you didn't get hurt!

Enjoy every moment of Christmas, and know that I'll be thinking about all the fun you all will be having down there. Christmas sounds like a great time with you guys!

Monty

Gremlin said...

Haya Lee....

It could have been more than a tire so be glad it's only a tire...

mmmmm Christmas.... I can remember last year... Those tasty smoked meat with all those..... Hell I'll be missing that...

You know Murphy and he's always there... Don't worry your not alone when it comes to enimies with Murphy.

Divalicious said...

Murphy is a cold hearted bastard! I think he's actually my neighbor who moved in about 2 months ago. He absolutely loves to see things go all to hell in a handbag.

BUT, on the bright side, it is the most jolly time of year and things will be happy and bright. Just keep repeating that over and over and over til you believe it, like I do.

Nosjunkie said...

I think Murphy had abducted Will why the hell is he being nice to me.

And m@ I think you should post that number up swearing at murphy will make a lot of us feel a lot better