Thursday, January 31, 2008

Shakira Belly Dancing

I had planned a more serius post for today, but being Friday, I have decided to save the mellow drama for Monday.
Instead I would like to introduce you to one of my newest roll models.
Yes I do have those.

I have recently started bellydancing and it has become a slight obsession... my whole week builds up to Thursday night clases and I really work very hard at it and like a rugby player might aspire to play like Brian Habana I aspire to be as good a dancer as Shakira is.
However if you look at the video I found you will notice the job that awaites me.

By the way this is my first video and I am so proud of myself

Monday, January 28, 2008

Unintended Consequence

South-African news yesterday reported that John Minto an Australian writer and active supporter of the South-African freedom movement, has refused to accept nomination for the Companion of the OR Thambo award (the award is the highest acclaim South-Africa can bestow on a foreigner).
In an open letter to the president he stated “When we protested and marched into police batons and barbed wire here in the struggle against apartheid, we were not fighting for a small black elite to become millionaires”

Yesterday our president got up and publicly stated that our current power crisis is the “unintended consequence of our growing economy”

While I don’t doubt for a moment that Minto will be tar and feathered for racism, I believe that his general idée and outlook on our countries state of government is right on the money.

Mbeki is wrong… the power crisis is not an unintended consequence of a growing economy but rather the consequence of government officials lining their pockets with tax payers money instead of pumping it into infrastructure that a growing economy needs.
The economy didn’t start growing two weeks ago Ladies and Gentlemen.

In conclusion I would like to say that after the fall of apartheid the poor are poorer and I seriously doubt that having the most democratic constitution in the world helps them sleep better.
The struggle is only over for the leaders of the freedom fight…
They have left those they claimed to be fighting for, at the mercy of their greed.
In the end democracy was a battle won while the war still rages.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Pigglet Me and Giffie

Yesterday when we walked into the cinema to see saw4 we were convinced that nausea would be the worst part of our day… Not for a moment did Piglet and I think that we would be needing and overdose of Rescue and a stiff brandy to calm our nerves while Stiffla and Will pushed my car out of a ditch…
I shit you not people….
We had a bit of fumble when an Ass-hat skipped a stop street and came careering at my cars side.
Having to swerve into the next lane in the sight of oncoming traffic would not have been so much of an issue if I was driving a Scooby or an Evo… but as fate would have it I was driving my little Giffie a front wheel drive corsa lite with a stock suspension and the only modifications being the 15” rims we had fitted the day I got her (and make no mistake those rims were the difference between ending up on our roof and ending up on the wheels).
Our swerve brought us ass about face across the road drifted like a pro and then did a side wheels only barrel into a deep muddy ditch on the side of the road while I try fight the urge to put foot flat on the brakes.
We came to a stop thanks to the mud, once I had pried my arm off of Piglets chest where I pinned her when the shit struck I got out and started swearing at said ass-hat in long alliterated stanzas… I swore at everything while little pigs sat breathing deeply, eyes wide as saucers she kept saying “its okay Lee, Its okay”
I said not it wasn’t and kept swearing…. Later I was told that people understand because that’s how I deal with things….
Pigglet only started crying when Stiffla and Will found us about 5 min later.
I didn’t stop swearing until the stiff brandy put me to sleep.

So people that was my and Pigglets very near brush with death… I am refraining from sharing with you what I wish upon ass-hat and his silver Polo who by the way did not as much as break to check if we were alright because I may get arrested…

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Eviction Notice

Dear Back-fat, Bum-flab, Love-handles and Thunder-thighs

Prepare to meat your end….
You are little less than anatomy squatters and I have come to realize that cellulite breeds like rabbits, No longer however will I tolerate your globules presence whether it be bubbling over the waist of my jeans, wobbling on my thighs, bouncing on my bum or crawling on my back.
Back-fat know that your demise is in the gravitational pull of free weights….
Bum-flab and love handles…you will die dizzy …. The twirly-wirly nature or belly dancing will wiggle you to death rest in peace.
Thunder-thighs your death will be very run of the mill… tread mill that is….

So be gone foul creatures your time here is done…. Vacate your place of squatting to make place for a whole new development of sexy

You have been warned

I hope you are well
Kind regards

Wednesday, January 23, 2008


I’m all a muddle
I can barely think
Creaking wooden floors
In a house in my head
A fire burns
By a window a twisted fig

All a mess
My heads in a spin
Me a mommy?
Baby on the lap
By my fire place a-rocking
Still the career
At the door a-knocking

Misty muddled mess
A druid and a witch
Play cards with the goddess Bess
Plato’s wearing a wedding gown
And Minerva sits on books

What a clutter
What a mess
Make it stop
For the sake of Pete
The space grows les and less

What a muddle
What a mess

Monday, January 21, 2008

The church of blogging

After having chased Wills birthday present around Joburg all morning having had nothing but the bitter end of the month salty crack to sustain my energies I decided that it was high time that I blog something new…
The fact that I have nothing to say is irrelevant … blogging is like going to church in that way… it doesn’t really matter if you pay attention as long as you make an effort.
I had considered telling you about the abso-bluddy-brilliant night I had last night but I fear that divulging the details may make Will a little more disagreeable than he usually is and I desperately need a gym buddy to keep me going this afternoon.
I could also tell you about the 5 kitty-rats that have been a squeaky addition to our household but since their mother has decided to carry them into my bed the moment I lift the covers for a good night rest, deprivation of sleep may cause me to say things that the little creatures do not deserve…
Does anyone want a kitty-rat by the way… they will be ready for distribution in less than 5 weeks… because you’re my friends and I love you so much I will give these one of kind specimens to at this special once off price of… wait for it….NOTHING….yes you heard me R0 Ziltch Natta… batteries sold separately shipping and packaging not included.
Come on guys only two or tree of them don’t have owners yet….

Anyway before I start rambling on about bugger al I will leave you… I am sure I will be in a better mood once my paycheck arrives.
I am getting very annoyed with ATM’s at the moment… they all laugh at me and tel me to phone a friend…

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I think I am gonna elope

I am gonna hurl I tell you… Hurl…
If I have to look at another wedding dress or flower arrangement I am gonna deposit my lunch right onto my keyboard.
I hate it…
I hate all of it…
The dresses the flowers the table cloths the everything….
I hate that it costs so much money…
I hate that my mom would rather spend money on a wedding so that people can gawk at me and stiff than give us what we really want (an over seas honey moon)
I hate that I am going to have to behave myself
I hate that I have to plan the fucking thing
I hate that I am not sure that I hate all of this
I hate thinking about it and all the ins and outs
I hate that the bride’s maids don’t want to wear what I put them in
Why the fuck can’t I have bridesmen…?
I hate that we can’t choose a damn best man
I hate that I can’t make up my mind about stuff
And I hate that I am probably gonna have my mind made up for me
I hate all of it… weddings are a waste of money and a silly fucking tradition
Most of all I hate that tomorrow I am gonna want the wedding again and then the day after that I will be swearing again…
Stiffla and I are two of the most care free people you will ever meat.. we are a match made in heaven… you’ll be convinced when you meat us that we couldn’t possibly be happier with anybody ells… we are two broken molds and that makes us perfect.
This wedding thing however is giving us both sleepless nights and I am here to tell you that if I pitch up one day and tell you I got married last night in some court don’t be surprised because I cant take this wedding crap anymore

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Britney auto biography

Don’t get me wrong… I am not a follower but lately Britney shameless is getting more media attention than Kenya.
Every morning radio show adds some Britney blasphemy and one cannot be blamed for getting caught up in all of this.
She was the founder of the pink revolution and I recall people commenting on what a great roll model the little blond was for the youth….
Truly she was.
Clean cut and virginal…. Very virginal… flaunting it at every corner.
I am guessing that the years of sexual suppression finally dealt the final blow.

The bright side is that I cant wait for the auto biography…. I would love to know what makes people dive so deep into the darkness of self pity and narcissism

Monday, January 14, 2008


Well it’s 14days into January and I am still keeping to my new years resolutions… the gyming is going very well and after reading the gluggsters blog I have drastically increased my water intake.
Its not all bad as I get extra exercise running to the bathroom and back.
I have also had a look at some really nice tattoos for when I reach my goal and I have found some that I really like.
I am thinking of putting it on my thigh…
Saturday was a great day it saw the return of a prodigal friend that I have mentioned before and since she doesn’t have a boyfriend I think shell hang around for a while until she finds another guy…
This was not the only new addition to the house though…
Early on Saturday morning the queen who is yet to be named started showing signs of labor. Stiffla and I took precautions and by midnight my cat had given birth to 5 teeeny tiny squeaking little bundles.
There are three that look like jabba and two that look like their mommy but all of them look like rats at the moment and I will only take pics for you when they become cute
The new babies share their birthday with Wills girlfriend by the way ….

Hey hey
Wait for it

Peace out peeps

That was your Monday anti climax

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Rant, Vent, Shit Chukking, Bitching match

What complex creatures we are!
It has been said that one can choose ones friends but one cant choose your family… I have recently realized that if this were not true and we were able to choose our family you probably wouldn’t choose those you have.
I am sure you love all of them and again I am walking the line here but I am pissed of and disappointed beyond believe at the moment and if I cant regurgitate my irrational ranting on my blog then where ells.

Recent events in my life saw me taking a long hard look at someone.
Someone that I not only liked but loved…not based on their personality or good heart but rather because of their roll in my life.
This roll ensured that they had a spot up on my pedestal, and when she finally did something that I didn’t expect ,and mind you didn’t see coming, I realized that what I expected off her was also based on my abstract connection to her.
If my logic and not my family ties had been painting the picture I would have seen it coming before she did…
The epitome of the female stereotype; if I had been honest I would have seen that she is the embodiment of what I dislike about woman.
More concerned with a pretty face than a strong mind…
I looked at other woman in my life and found weakness…..
Contently submitting themselves to a life of slavery under a man’s rule…
Did I not teach you to stand up for yourself…. Do you not know that beauty fades but that wisdom will always be a reliable asset.
Why are we still producing woman like this… woman who’s ambitious aspirations are running for president of planet LOOK-AT-ME-LOOK-AT-ME.
Woman need to realize that it is this kind of shallow attitude that wrote history the way it was written.
Do you honestly think that men dominate the world because they are smarter or better equipped for the job…..?
No they are dominant because a woman will submit to a man’s flattery and lip service. Because we prefer being adored over being respected.
Screw burning the bra, burn the lip-gloss.
Teach your daughters that being pretty will get her the receptionist job and the captain of the rugby team (who will later turn out to be a bitch to his cell buddy) but that intelligence, a general knowledge, ambition and eloquence will get her the MD position and the man that matches her social, moral and financial position.
You are as intelligent and resourceful as any man that walked YOUR planet and can sport intuition and maternal instincts as added benefits in your arsenal.

Burn the bluddy lip gloss and teach them to read for sucks fakes.

Please note that I intend to regert any refrances I made to illustarte my point. But hey wats a good bitching match without regrets

Wednesday, January 09, 2008


There are three unforgivable sins in a relationship
Now while two of the tree are set in stone I am having a problem defining cheating today.
having had a chat with two of my friends today and having been given two different opinions I would now like to know what your opinion is.

what constitutes cheating?
Where does it start ... with a kiss....penetration...or can cuddling and holding hands be put in the category....?
or does it start with simply the intention ....
online flirting is definitely cheating in my book because it is worse than physically doing the deed its cheating on an emotional level.
personally I think that if its bad enough to hide from your partner then its cheating.

what do you think
can holding hands and cuddling behind your partners back be cheating?
and am I over reacting for saying that if my guy were to cuddle up to some other chick and hold hands with her that I would be well and Good upset?

Monday, January 07, 2008

What I did this weekend

I know that its Tuesday and what I did on the weekend is irrelavant, but I was only able to read blogs yesterday.
You will also notice all my new side bar toys.
Blogger has allowed me to post more page elements so I am putting as many as possible up before blogger changes its mind.
Tell me if my blog is taking to long to load now please

Friday, January 04, 2008

I look like da honey from NFS

I know that this is not the first time blog land will see this but I still think its cool
the sight is calle
you upload a pic of yourself and they give you a collage or morph what celeb you look like

I did one of my Kid sister.
she looks like Evangely from Lost so now I have to like her

When I just met Stiffla he had a serious hard on for the hunny on Need for speed undergrownd... Josie Marron. gues what.....

I would like to see what your pics come up with

Thursday, January 03, 2008

2008 is gonna be great (a positive post for a change)

This year I resolve to:
1) Get rid of my “Post pregnancy Britney Spears” love handles, fit back into a size 8 jean and go back to looking more like Jessica Alba and less like Rosie O’Donnell.
2) Buying an amp and getting started on my sound install in my car.
3) Elevate my standing in the corporate ladder considerably.
4) Pay of my accounts and most of my debt
5) Finish the houses interior walling
Stop gawking at me… I am well aware that in the past I have been no great fan of New Year’s resolutions but this year is different.
Yes different….
A year that starts with Stiffla wearing a bra and Durka-Durka stealthlesly walking into a pool in pink fairy wings is sure to be different.

I am back in blog land my friends, and would lie if I told you that I tried to make an effort at blogging while on leave because I didn’t.
Who would want to sit in front of a pc during the only few days of sunshine this wet summer has provided us with.
Instead I took advantage of every second of sunny fiesta by swimming tanning and playing games with the boys and our mates like ten year old kids.
That’s what the silly season is all about after all…regaining the youth that the mundane trudge of life sucks out of you.
The 500 games of volleyball and catch along with the festive buzz of Christmas and New Year really did that for us.

Christmas day started with the traditional opening of presents.
I had spent two salaries on gifts for everybody and it had been worth every penny of it especially since I got to read the book I got Will first ( Note its called Sniper One written by Sgt Dan Mills, It is one helluva awesome book. It’s a first hand account of conflict in Iraq and Mr. Mills has done a great job. No bells and wistels or fancy smancy writer’s tricks, just a sniper telling his story).
We always have a cold lunch so the cooking could be done the day before, but it was delish.
We had turkey, tongue, gammon and roast lamb with potato salad, noodle salad, Caesar salad, stuffed eggs, salmon mouse, crackers and home made mustard, followed by trifle for pudding.
It was marvelous and after wards we jumped in the pool and started acting like lunatics again.

Just after Christmas we spent some time with Rods who had come from Hong Kong for a visit.
Rods has been in Hong Kong for a while now teaching gymnastics to kids and this year he brought his girlfriend Florence and his sisters boyfriend Jules along.
For the occasion we all took a drive to Nkwe for a good South-African braai.
Nkwe is a great place a few Kays from us.
All it really is, is a grove with a cliff on one end that plummets into a natural rock pool underneath.
The cliff face is about 15m high and its great sport to jump of it into the water and see if you can survive.
Stiff did his usual crazy repetitive jumps while Will made it clear that grace and poise did not run in the family when he did a half broken arrow semi belly flop of the cliff.
After that he resigned himself to playing touch rugby with Jules.
Jules is Cantonese…hold on that’s not right…. Jules is Cantonese but he grew up in Australia, now living in Hong Kong and has a very American accent.
All this has a had a very crappy effect on the impressionable Will and he has been mimicking Jules ever since with a pitch that sounds like a transvestite duck he walks around saying “yeh that shit is fucking totally crazy man”.
We also took some great pics but after the drama last year I am going to have to go through them nicely before posting any of them up.

New years was a blast too.
We went down to Bronkhorst spruit dam and stayed in Durka-Durka’s uncles stunning house for the night.
We smoked a lot of Hubbly Bubbly and played a lot of kings.
Then some funny English kids crashed our party, we didn’t mind much, being the friendly folk we are, Unfortunately the English kids disappeared with a bottle of fish eagle that didn’t belong to them and we had no choice but to go and find the buggers.
We tracked across the front of the houses that lined the dam.
It was lost to us that Durka-Durka was doing the spy game thing with pink fairy wings strapped to his back and what the weird kids might think of his serious reprimand while latched to the pink feathers.
At some point we hit a dead end…Durka was searching for a way across the water when we realized that what looked like a tiled spot of floor was in fact a small pool with a tarp pulled over it.
Unfortunately Durka did not hear our conversation so he turned and walked straight onto tarp.
Everybody gasped and for a moment it actually seemed that he would walk straight over it, but it was only a fraction of a second and Durka sank like big bad of shit.
Gone was our stealthily approach and any hope for a surprise entry with it.
The big splash that Durka made was nothing compared to the peals of laughter that registered from our group as we bolted for the next jetty before the owner of the unfortunate puddle of water discovered a giggling fairy taking a swim on his tarp.
After that Piglet being of sound and sober mind had a fight with the stair case and emerged less than triumphant with a blue knee cap that forced her to hop about the entire place.
My two most horney friends came up with a solution and fought for the honor of carrying her around every where. Piglet is yet to recover from the culture shock.
The night ended as we watched almost every house and camp sight shoot of thousands of Rands worth of fire works over the dam.
It made for a good show as the fire works reflect on the water.
All in all it was a good break from reality.
And on new years day I did some tarot readings and was pleased to find that the future looked bling bright for both me and Will.
Don’t scoff it either my cards have never been wrong.

By the way Will has kept me up to date on some of your posts and I would just like to extend a big WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to Glugs and Angel for finally getting it together.
Just so you know we all saw it coming!
Peace my people