Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I have a quacking migrane

Have you ever had one of those days when even the air tastes bad your so pissed at everything.
Well I am having one off those days.

All started off okay, I got out of bed leaving stiffla drooling on his fat cat, ironed my clothes and got dressed....
This is where it all started, I hate ironing everything and consciously buy cloths that don't need to be ironed, however the weeks of rain have done funny things to everything in my house and I was forced into this loathsome labour.
This done I proceeded to don the freshly ironed top when mother nature kicked me in the teeth again.
It seems this graceful Deity and I are not on speaking terms and somebody forgot to tel me.
when I pulled the top over my head it felt clammy. I told myself that the fact that its ice cold was causing it to feel that way and I only realised that the thing had in fact not dried properly when I got to the office and cold was no longer a viable excuse.

So there I was in wet cloths with puffy hair swearing at everything in bad grace When mother nature sent in her infantry and fan fair.
You might recall that a while ago Marra and I were arguing about weather or not a ducks quack echos;
Well I still don't know about the duck but I now know that an Egyptian goose's quack does.
I have also learnt that the silly thing is dumb as bricks.
now I know for sure that fate will teach you things and that one should learn while you can because one day you most certainly will need it.
This in mind I have decided to feed myself to my rottweilers when I get home as I fear whats in store for me if Fiat is teaching me the dynamics of Egyptian gees.

Hang on back to the story.
There is a goose on the balcony of my office and its been quacking without any sign of stopping for three hours.
In the hope of getting rid of the bugger I have thrown my stapler chair and PC at it but to no avail, he just moves higher up and quacks away.
It took me a while but I figured out the reason for this toe nail curling behavior when I stepped outside to swear at him.
you see every time the bugger quacks the echo created by the surrounding buildings quacks back at him.
Thrlittle shit has been answering himself for three hours while I have been composing cooking instructions for dead goose with stapler stuffing.

Oh by the way I am dedicating this week to hating men.
Two of my girlfriends (hey I have girlfriends, well at least that's what I call them, I believe the popular term for me is bitch) have man problems and I have just had a fight with the chairmen of a car club.
I am quite sure the lines of communication between us have been cut as I was forced to make a graphic remark about his but and a scooby.
naturally I am spitting mad and intend to take it out on the multi coloured collection of dick heads I am sure to find on my commute home.

Witch Brings me to another point.
Ladies and gents... I drive a white corsa lite sport with black frost rims I am short angry.
If you see me on the road bugger off out of my blind spot
say thank you when I give you gap because I could have left you stuck in the wrong lane till your eyeballs dry.
If your a truck doing 80km/h in front of me, bugger of to the slow lane where you belong or at least move out of infront of me.
If your the stupid bitch in the black bmw who was driving on the shoulder of the road today..... I hope you have to remortgage your house to pay that fine
If your the guy in the white honda civic... turn down your radio... your cascada is ruining my ramstein
and last but not least to every brakpan inhabitant who drives a golf coartina datsun bakkie..... note that hooting at me while picking your nose is not a socially accepted form of flirting and I dont think your cute... also note that I am not an idiot and therefor do not fall for the hole in your exhaust that you are trying to pan off as a turbo....I WILL KICK YOUR ASS...and if I cant Stiffla will.

thanks to the young man in the white Nissan nivara who gave me a gap on giloolies today... your mamma raised a good man

Peace out peeps


Claudia said...

too funny about the goose answering itself!

Gremlin said...

LOL roadrage??

Like the fishys by the way.

Nosjunkie said...

Claudia: in hine sight its funny but honestly I thought I was gonna OD on asprin

Gremmy: Hey buddy imagine finding you here
you should really blog more

The CEO said...

Damn right. I liked it a lot. I got killed as a kid by my parents for opening my mouth, so I have never learned to let go like that, but I sure liked it when you did it!

BTW, that much rain, you need some real light. There's a gland in the brain called the pineal gland. You get depressed, particularly in Winter, due to a lack of light on your face. There's a light set that gets prescribed for depressed people to sit under so the gland gets stimulated and they feel better. It also works on non-depressed people who just feel miserable without light in Winter, like the rest of the World does.

If you like it, the goose might also like it. And stop quacking. Who knows, geese have needs too.

Gremlin said...

What do you mean Lee

I've been here the whole year alleady :)

Mouse said...

I just want it recorded in cyber space that I spent 3 hours ironing yesterday. 3 hours! Thank god for back to back episodes of Grey's, that's all I can say.

and I also like the fishies...
and so do my cats

etain_lavena said...

hihih....I hope your better today...I also hate men at the the one I preceived to be the one made out with me over txt, I hope he dies a slow and painful death.....farken idiots...O apparently I deserve better....dam right I do...

Good luck with the new week. MIss you too chicky:)

angel said...

heh heh... sorry you had such a shitty day... i do love your traffic report though!