Sunday, December 14, 2008

Men, Woman and Orgasms

You probably thought there was something wrong with you, or that you were doing something wrong.
You’ve learnt to fake it like a professional and now you’re lying in the wet spot trying to imagine what it would be like to actually experience the ultimate high.
You have never told him and you have never told your girlfriends, because ultimately you think you’re dysfunctional.
If your adventurist you may have tried some sort of cream or stimulant and you’ve probably had no luck.
I know this because this is how I felt. I know this because I am just like you and it wasn’t until I admitted it loud and clear without shame on this blog and to many of my friends that other woman started to come out and admit that they too lived with the frustration.
I realized that I wasn’t the exception, but rather the norm, and I was gob-smacked by how well woman have been able to keep this under wraps.
It’s the best kept secret known to man (and yes I do mean man).
Each one of them is a Casanova in his own mind. The original Mr. Lover Lover and not one of them is privy to the fact that you (and 90% of the other woman his been with) stopped paying attention after the first 10minutes and were more than likely pondering the lineup in the TV guide for the rest of it.

My revelation is not an exaggeration.
A little while ago I used this blog to admit to the world that “I can’t orgasm during sex”.
I admit it was candidly and well hidden at best but it was picked up by a few people.
The men were dumbfounded naturally.
But it was the response from woman that got all my mental bells ringing.
Each conversation was understandably hushed but all sounded the same.
“Neither can I” they would say “I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.
I was a woman on a mission and I did as one tends to do in such situations. I googled it!
I was even more surprised to find ,literally hundreds upon thousands of questions about this problem on web sites devoted to woman.
But it was not until a male friend of mine mentioned something quite true to me that I was driven to discuss it with the world.

“This is false advertising” he said.
“All you woman are the same. You’re crazy in bed for the first few months and then all of a sudden it comes to an abrupt halt”
It hit me like a tone of bricks.
Like a sumo wrestler on a scooter on a downhill.
We’ve been keeping a secret that has and is damaging our relationships and destroying our sex lives.
You’ve had too many martini’s (may I suggest News café rose martini) and before you know it your telling your girlfriends that “he’s just not as in tune with me as he used to be”
He screws his secretary at the office party and justifies it with “a man has needs”

I believe that for the most part these problems can be solved if woman come clean.

I can see some conservative hackles being raised right now, and I can understand that after centuries of marginalization in the department of female sexual satisfaction that broaching a subject such as this is as comfortable as a chainsaw enema.
But ladies and gentlemen (and all those of ulterior persuasion) bear with me long enough to consider my point.

We call it the honeymoon period, the touchy feelies, the warm and fuzzies. It’s the first couple of months or weeks of a relationship and apart from the chase it is the most exciting time you will have together. Everything is new and hence exciting.
In a space of weeks you have driven each other to the limits of your physical capabilities you have an intimate knowledge of the grain of tile on his kitchen floor, the durability of the shower head and only the two of you know how that lamp really got knocked of the grand piano.
It’s intense and you are willing the excitement of exploring his body and simply being with him distracts you from the fact that you just can’t get there.
The point is that the thrill of the unknown that keeps you in bed till 14:00 in the afternoon without a care for your real mundane life and the happenings of the world.
For him it’s that and the marathon of mind blowing orgasms you afford him.

However fast-forward 8 or 9 months when the “do not disturb” sign has been taken down and real life intrudes on your sexy little existence.
The vanity has worn of.
He doesn’t put his laundry in the hamper.
He farts in bed.
And the mole on his left butt check is starting to resemble a tick more and more every day.
The girl who promised you she was immune to PMS is a fork tongued basilisk with smoke coming out of her ass 29 days a month.
The obsessive tidiness and inability to unwind is driving you insane.
And to crown it all she is picking up weight (leaving you in that oh-so dangerous territory of the “do I look fat in these jeans?” question)
The realization that both of you are little more than human beings with your own set of hang-ups and idiosyncrasies is slowly seeping in through the cracks of your matrix and as it does the lust at fire that once burnt between you seems to dwindle.

Its at this point where you loose interest.
Her payoff used to be the adrenaline rush spiked by the excitement of a new man, and since the vanity has long since warn of you are left with very few selling points when it comes to the bedroom.
He on the other hand may have slipped into the sexual rut but there is still a pay-off in the end.
That lucid orgasm that he can achieve and you can’t.
And since you never shared the truth about the matter with him, you’re still faking it and he has no reason to believe that your lacking libido has anything to do with him.

He settles for taking what he can get when he can get it and reserves the right to complain to his golfing buddies that you’re frigid.

Now consider for a moment that it was common knowledge that the female orgasm is an endangered species.
In the interest of preserving the life span of his all important sex life men will not only put more effort into satisfying you sexually but will also anticipate the fall of your libido and will be more willing to and more prepared to bolster the lack of excitement with either sweet seduction or the implementation of various tools.
He will understand that you may not be able to climax during sex but that you may be more susceptible to the stimulus during foreplay and will thus pay more attention to this department or whatever the case may be.

At the end of the day, not only will you see a huge improvement in the quality of your love making but you will be communicating about sex and it is my personal feeling that couples don’t do that enough.
We are more comfortable communicating to our friends what we are not getting from our sexual relationships than what we are communicating these same feelings to our partners.

Now Ladies to get to the question that you are all mumbling at me.
“What makes you think a man cares enough about what I’m getting out of it to make the effort?”
Well the answer is quite simple.
It’s a cardinal truth about men that you should never forget.
There are fair few things in this life that men are willing to go all out for while his sex life is one of them his ego is the other.
He wants you to tell your friends that he rocked your world.
He wants you to go to work smiling like a fool
He wants you to believe that he is a sex god because that is good for his ego (and of coarse the alteration it brings to the way other people perceive him doesn’t hurt).
He is also willing to go the extra mile to achieve this.

Its just a thought.
Mull it over
Use it don’t use it.

1 comment:

jan said...

sad.... very sad,,,,,