Thursday, November 23, 2006

My Own Way To Heavan

I am drunk on time right now; my mind has been let loose to ponder on the profound and profane underbelly of my tangled mind. I suppose it is this intoxicated mixture of boredom and rebellion that has driven me to place my head on the chopping block of our Conservative little world.
I know full well that I am willingly drowning myself in a narrow minded puddle of "how dare you's" and "shame on you's" and "be damned with you".
and while I through myself over the edge of judgement I fear not the crucifixion.
I don't go to church.
I don't believe in church as an institution.
as the words roll of these keys I can see the conservative hackles rising, I feel the mouse cursors close the window. But for those of you left I proceed to explain my motives for putting distance between me and the great halls of Christianity.
I cut my religious teeth on the cold hard benches of a very Afrikaans church. My father never joined my mother my little sisters and I as we filed into the silent corridors of indoctrination Sunday after Sunday and never answered me when I questioned him on the point. It didn't take me long to find these answers and my opinionated nature grew faster than my ability to wield tact.
I realised that those highly thought of figures on the pulpit were scaring me into believe, Satan and eternal damnation scared me onto the "right path".
A little while latter I tried the water again. I found a church that made sense.
I was free to call myself an evolutionist without being labeled an anti Christ. The writings of the bible no longer contradicted itself because effort was made to see past the literal.
But I was offended by the churches attitude towards woman, when I stood up and said that I am not mearly a vessel for breeding children and my genitals makes me no less worthy of doing the lords will I was met with uncomfortable stares and candid whispers.
I left there for fear of exorcism and I will never go back.
Most recently I have found that my faith in God all mighty is at an all time high, I no longer question the lords will because I am not being lectured on it by a mortal.
I believe that he heals and that he loves because I dont have 2000 (no joke there are more than 2000 different christian churches in the world) different people pulling me in different directions.
I am the Lords Church and confusion is satans greatest tool of destruction.
I dont need to hear ghost stories to scare me into believing and I know that God accepts all people because without the doctrines of the Church I am free to accept all people

10 comments:

etain_lavena said...

RA RA RA...well done on finding it back and still having an open mind. My story of the church is quite different but almost the same. But I will not find my way back, instead I changed my perception to take out of different religions things that make me a better person and which makes me love all living beings all creatures and all that is pure honest and selfless. I have an extremely soft heart, and people have changed their entire attitude(for the bad) if they heard I am NOT a christian. What because I am Afrikaans because I am female I must be a christian, and then I am Judged by them in the worst possible way(and the Bible does preach on that too). I have respect for religion, I have respect if a person believe different from me. I am happy that the person found a religion that made you feel at home. All I ask is respect in return. I must also say I have found Christians that gives me respect and I love them dearly. But to those who think they can judge me, look into your own eye!!!
Lee, you are truly evolved, well done.

Lee said...

Thanks Drizz and strongs to you it takes a lot of gut and resolve to stand against the world
As far as my faith is concerned I believe in God I am a christian but more wars have been faught over christianity than over anything els. We should rather learn from the teachings of other religions and diciplines such as buddism and wicca.
I intend to do just that

etain_lavena said...

Yes both those are very calm loving religions, in everything you can see evil if you look for it!

Gremlin said...

Religion, Lee I hate you for this... But seen it coming in your last post... So lets get it out to the world hen I just have 1 seceret that most don't know... Well you broke the ice...

Okay Lets see I'm NOT a cristiaan, Yes I do believe but My believe's is deferent. Yes I do believe in the christiaan God. I know he's there but unfortinly I do not believe that he's alone... And the ten comandmints proof it. But I will not argue with any about this, You have your religion I have mine.

Okay So what am I?? Well I see my self as a Wiccan... Have been studing it for a long time now and I have found peace for my soul in it. Okay Wiccan's not bad for those who doesn't know... I am what so ever bussy to move to a Celtic Wiccan, Thats where my heart leis but there's still a far way to go.

Yes Drizzy I do agree about ppl judging about it, have seen it happen alot. But do you know what I don't care any more. If you don't like me for what I am the Get out of my life. I can say in true words that Wiccan's have been the best ppl at heart I have ever met.

Will do a small Post of it soon just have to do it right as I do not want to touch any one's Religion in it...

Lee said...

That My Boy!

Lee said...

Gremie I love Wicca.
And I must say that I Feel as you do.
I believe the Lord is there I beleiev in his power but I also believe in the power we have in ourselves and especially in the power of nature.
I dont know if that brands me a wiccan but i did at one ppoint believe i fit into the mold.
Now I rather dont label myslef because it would be a long lable

Marra said...

Etain weet wat my geloof is. En dit is baie sterk. En dat ek nooit sal judge nie.

Solank dit jou hare terugblaas, glo in wat jy wil. Ek weet wie ek is en wie ek wil wees vir wie ookal. Moet ek laaste sin herhaal? hahahahaahaha

Baie geluk lee, jy blogs kruip in my blog hart in jong dame...

Lee said...

haha
Thanks Marra
ek geniet altyd julle kommentaar
laat my voel eks nie die eenigste vissie wat stroom op swem nie.
Dit maak my bly om te weet dat daar wel afrikaanse mense is wat hulle nie vas staar aan die indoktronasies van die saamelewing

Anonymous said...

Spooked. Spooked into believing Satan will damn you in hell. Your spiritual path sounds similar to mine, yet I'm not as far. Only because i deny myself the right of believing that God does not need church to worship. I know it. I just struggle with it. I once stood in the top of St. Paul's Bacilica and knew that a man named Jesus did exist, I just don't call him savior any longer. I long for spirituality. But my Catholic background has me so perplexed. I like your words, Vicinity of Obcinity. ~ G, a friend of 123Val ~

Lee said...

I am verry glad to see you here. and I completely understand your delema. I dont completely understand the Catholic way, I just know what i see on television and since the catholics arent as prominent here the media is less simpathetic I intend to learn more.

My dad use to say that if you believe in what you believe and you believewhole hartedly you have found your way to salvation.
God made us different and thus would not give us a set doctrine to follow.
thats what I believe