Screw Vista

Microsoft recently braught out Vista and while the world hase been raving about how efficiently it does the job I am left wanting more.
Now (thanks to Ptozac) I have found a version of office that suites my needs.
have a look!

death of a soul

I am having another of those tragic days.
I can’t write.
I can’t string three words together.
I published my first work at the tender age of thirteen and now when I have lead a life worthy of these lofty ballads I can’t put a single word to verse.
It’s a sin. My dad is turning in his grave!

I realized something tonight while I stared blankly into the pixels of this terribly small monitor, I realized that I know why I can’t write.
It didn’t take months of soul searching or meditation, it didn’t require a single session at a shrink or even vast amounts of vodka.
All it took was one of those rare moments of reflection that passes so fast that you can’t lie to yourself.
In this single split second I remembered telling a song writer that in the real world money always triumphs over love, I remember telling a lover to be realistic and I remember telling myself that to hurt is weak.
And in that single passing instant I knew that when I drove the idealist from myself I drove with it love hope and heart. I killed the feeling that fed a human soul until it became easy to rely only on my opinions and logic to feed only my mind.

I just stumbled upon the true meaning of tragedy.
Its like death in a way, when you dye your soul departs and leaves just a shell, a physical vessel that the earth ultimately claims


I had a great love once
But I never tell you about it because I fear the force of a broken heart.
I never tell you that he had chubby hands and that he bit his nails.
I don’t write about how he sacrificed new underwear to shine his bike.
I don’t blog about his funeral and the red roses on his coffin for fear that hysterical confusion of utter and complete loneliness may swallow me again.
I have not committed a word to paper about how, when they found the accident he had his arms around me and how they had to pry my little sister from his body because she didn’t understand why the medics weren’t seeing to him anymore.

I had a hero once
My dad had a good heart and wonderful mind.
I never grew out of thinking that my dad could do anything,
He always understood me because, they said, your just like your dad.
But I haven’t written that he had bushy hair or that he had no wrinkles only smile lines.
He called me princess and told me not split ends.
I never say out loud that I still come home and wish he were there for me to test my new theories on, how I wish for his open minded intelligent answers.
My dad was a lecturer, the best you’d ever find (and Grem will agree) he gave everything for his students. Neighbors called him doctor Bernade because he took in and cared for every stray youth who came around.
And there is not a word doc nor a piece of paper that erupts with my feelings of how unfair it was that it was kid that killed him that night. A kid in mommies new Beemer who only had a learners.
I don’t say these things and I simply cant write them because I don’t let myself feel these thing
Emotion is weakness I don’t allow myself or those around me

And deeper the rabbit hole still gets
I have a great love now.
And I don’t have the courage to shout from the rooftops that I love him.

I wish I had “moral of the story” ending to this blog or that I could tell you that now that I understood it I could change it.
But truth be told I have no intention of deviating from my emotionally detached views, as they protect me.
I will simply let live those who are lucky enough to afford the luxury of idealism.
Perhaps one day I will face the demons inside, but for now I will only let the monsters of the mind scare me enough to inspire.
After all, as I said to Etain, The writer needs the pain

Real lifes great revenge

To think that it was this side of six months ago that I was an obsessive blogger.
My thoughts were consumed with idees about what to blog, I religiously read all the bloggs I possibly could and at the end of the day could discuss little els then my new found sureal social experiences.
Unfortunatly real life also reads my bloggs and shortly after posting that real life is less interasting than my book, the bugger pitched up and kicked me in the ass.

Suddenly my tranquil little exsistance was bombarded with revalations, mood swings and big life changing choises.

I found out that a persone that I thought to have moral fiber was using me as a scape goat for her mistakes, she had done this before, earlier in the year and I had let it go after proving my innocents, but February had not yet ended when she tried it again and this time it pissed me off.
Unfortunatly the woman is to some extent my superior and for my word to hold sway, I have to bitch to the bosss a hundred times threaten to leave the company and then fill out a written complaint in triplicat.
I will let you know as soon as this profesional cat fight reaches some form of consenses.

My job hunt is also taking some interasting turns.
You see I am set on staying in the home loans industry but I intend to elevate my position in the industry, I figure I have done the dirty work of others long enough to be an expert.
In the space of a week I have been offered two positions in my chosen field, one of which is an opurtunity to start my own company.
It is a verry secure proposal and the initial outlay will cost me a few phone calls and a few liters of petrol.
This to say the least is promissing, however nothing is without its snaggs.
You see to take advantage of this I have to leave my job because of conflickting interasts. I have no problem to do this at the moment!
But in origination you only get paid on bonds that have registered at the deeds office meaning that my little company will at best only generate an income in three months

Those three months is where the problem lies.
I have comitments, rent, accounts, a cell bill and a mobile scrap yard that chews emense amount of petrol to keep me driven.
Thus I am putting myself in short term danger for my long term goals still asking if its all worth it

This my friends is Real lifes great revenge

PS: If any one of you tel me to follow my heart I will most likely birth an reindear.
I need logic people idealism has no place in business

PPS: Not only has blogger gone ahead and changed my header to that baby shit mustard colour but it has also taken my spell checker away and unveiled the fact that the only thing worse than my spelling is grems grammer.
So live with it dammit

Back on trac

After and short absence that I plan to blame on work related stresses, I am back.
Did you miss me?
Okay I promissed myself to post more than once this week and to catch up on the comments I missed today and friday.



As far as weekends are concerned this one was blast by the way.

As Duckling and I pulled up the driveway on friday afternoon there was a loud appeal that came from the fieldsmen in the bottom garden.
The match was already in full swing.
When I opened the gate I herd the batsman protest mentioning something about the wicket keeper being shorter than the bat and boundry lines made up of tree stumps and thus LBW's cant be taken into account.
I had a good giggle at them and whent to umpire the game in my stelleto heels.
Almost all the regulars were there and only the grem was amis (not that he plays cricket)
Since Stiffla got that cricket set theres sure to be some form of day night on the Parker lawn.
We had italion food for dinner and watched movies and played computer games (an activity that I cant seem to escape)

Saturday braught along with it the aneversary of Willem ( Stifflas brother) birth. we had planned a small quite get together, nothing big and nothing extravagant. Crystal and I baked a pink cake and marinated meat.
Fortunatly our parties are never subdued affaires and when Dan-louis dragged out the strings the party all of a sudden snow balled
There was red wine enough to keep dan-louis myslef and the grem ,who dragged his but over for the ocation, in running supply.
I still dont know where the wine came from or when the neighbors pitched up but thats what happened.
Dan louis sang then I joined in and before long we were commisioned to entertain on st patricks day.

At some point Grem and I decided that there would have to be a blog meet soon.
So guys this is a call to all Gauteng bloggies, I will supply the venue and you guys bring your "tjop, dop and skrop". Bring friends too.
I will let you guys know about a time latter. next month some time....
just give me a prelim yay or nay K.
Donsie Chantelle and Grem have no excuse.

Kay peeps sorry bout this but I must go again.

New Peeps

MySpace Glitter Graphics



Well I was sitting here listening to the pregnant girl and the noisy one talk about baby names, wondering what to post about...
Then Stiffla pitched up and gave me a damn good reason to spot (see I know I would find some use for him. His created a new blog because blogger screwed the last one up
hes at
http://stiffla.blogspot.com

I also have another person to introduce to you
Go have a look at Alleks blog its at
http://thinkwritedospeak.blogspot.com

I am into the glitter thing at the moment and I think I am turning into a girl. To hide this fact I have chosen the most subtil glitter for this post
when things go all pink you can start worrying

Monday moments of reflection

Its monday again, and I am about to start petitioning the 4 day work week.
Nothing at the salt mine has changed, other than Prozak, who is teaching herself the fine art of bullshit.
I anticipate that the status quo may not change unless I can somehow spike the water cooler with vodka...
This I suppose is my life.
I have almost finished my book and I dread the last page. I always do... ending a book means that I have to pay attention to the real world... since there are no antimatter terorist attacs to rescue the vatican from in the real world I always end up mildly disapointed.
I plan to use the above as an excuse for teaching myself to play PC games... yes I fear that the darkside may be strong with me.
Speaking of the darkside... they did it again.
Darth (Stiffla) arranged another LAN night and I was surprised to see that the geek comunity that invaded my tranquil home on a regular basis had mushroomed and before I could whipe the shit from my eyes there were no less than 8 PC set up in my living room.
They took all of 11 minutes to transform my organised little world into a NASA controll room.
They played counter strike or something like that
I shot at Stiffla
Having not yet satisfied my new craving for first person shooter thingies I joined in when they started Serius sam
I Shot at Stiffla (they give you bigger guns in this game so I shot at him alot)
Then they told me that since I was on Stifflas team I could not shoot him
I told them that I was board and whent outside to look after the braai fire

Oh yes valintines day is coming up.
So as of tomorrow I plan to post nothing but depressing things in contempt for this pointless day.
I also baught Stiffla a knife for valintines day and gave it to him early in protest
HAHAHAHA eat that st Valintine

I will post the pics of the weekend on the other blog tomorrow because stiffla has been screwing with my computer, I now have a 2gig thingamajig with 80meg of hard drive (I think) that can circum navigate the globe in one foul swoop and make the hublle whatseface look like a dinki dino, Unfortunatly however my wonder PC doesnt have the camera software loaded yet.
I plan not to feed Stffla for a while and then bribe him into action with a piece of potatoe.
Sooner or later thet bugger will load what I need onto the pc and then do what I need him to with the software stuffies

Viva la Geeecks

I have also been checking Grems blog every five minutes for news on his weekend he needs potatoe treatment too

Am I talking shit....?
Damn better give you guys something to comment on
Okay in the comments tell me what you did with your weekend, what your fav PC game is or bash Valintines day

Peace out peeps

So today I told Valerie that I would never show any of my co-workers my blog for fear of death by burning... after saying that I proptly set about contradicting myself.
Say Hi to PROZAC guys.
Prozac and I pretend to work together....
the rest of the stuff youl learn from her blog
Go have a look its at
http://hypocricyofdelerium.blogspot.com

Peace out peeps

The unlikely Beautifull

I Bitch a lot
I know this
I have put on my big girl panties and dealt with the fact that I am the hanus bitch of the origination world.
But today I plan to shock the world by admitting that I recently had an aaaaaaag sweeet moment.

Two of the woman in our office are very pregnant, so naturally the whole office have googled their fingers to the bone for baby names and baby cloths and baby brickabrack......
Myself excluded naturally.
I love babies ,granted, but in my opinion there are enough cars and helter-scelter littering the net to keep me occupied long enough that I don't have time to ponder pudding faced fetuses.

And then it happened
One of the girls brought in her sonar photographs in and I when puppy eyed.
There he was little "Dante" (or at least that's what his name is this week) floating like and astronaut in space, waiting for his giant leap.
I realised then that despite the fact that "pregnant girl" has swollen feet and a bad temper now (oh and she still spends so much time in the loo that I have considered moving her telephone there) come the middle of May she will be a great part of little miracle, and in this way the swollen belly that she curses everyday is beautifully.

Now all of a sudden I have been bombarded by the unlikely beautifully.
The sudden friendships I have formed with people that I have never met, the sudden friendships that I have formed with my co-workers due to the fact that they need a rock.

there are thousands of silly little things that I have seen and that people have said that strike me as nice or pretty in the most ironic ways.

What have you guys seen recently that's beautifully?